I'm Bi-Candidate

I am in the closet.

Not sexually of course, because anyone who knows me
knows I am up for anything with anybody. I take all
comers. I am an equal opportunity destroyer. So, I am
not in that kind of closet. I am in the Democratic
Primary closet. I know a lot of people in this closet.
We can't talk about it. We are "undecided" in the
polls. We are the ones everyone is fighting over. But
I don't want to be in this closet, not anymore. I am
outing myself.

I am bi-candidate. I like Hillary and Obama. I like
Obama and Hillary. I think it is wonderful that we
have not just one, but two great candidates to choose
from. It is an embarrassment of riches really. Not
just one amazing politician. But two! We have the
incredibly exciting Barack Obama, who represents hope
and change and who can get a whole generation of
disillusioned voters excited about politics again,
which I think I is a miracle in itself. Then we have
the amazing Hillary Clinton, who has already proved
herself to be a great leader, who can and will clean
up after the Bush administration just like she did the
last time she was president.

I can't decide. And so I don't want to tell anyone who
I voted for because almost exactly half my friends are
into Hillary and the other half are all about Obama,
so no matter who I vote for, half my ass will get
kicked, which should be ok, because at least I will
have the other half of my ass to use for campaigning
for my favorite candidate (even though it might look

I voted last week, several days early, since I am a
permanent absentee voter and have the luxury of voting
in the privacy of my own home in my own time. I picked
the candidate that I liked best, the one who I thought
would do the best job. I filled in my bubble all the
way, using blue ink to represent my blue state of mind
and put my ballot in the mail. Then, I got worried I
had made the wrong choice. I kept thinking about going
back into the mailbox and fishing out my ballot and
changing it. I really thought about doing this even
though it is very illegal! I thought, hmm, maybe if I
took a coathanger, stretched it out, secured a small
flashlight with tape to the wire so I could find my
ballot, put a piece of chewed gum on the end so I
could somehow fish my ballot out, etc... I think I got
all these ideas from an old episode of The Little
. Then I realized that even if I broke the law
and went to all this trouble to do this it probably
wouldn't do me any good anyway because I had already
filled in one bubble and I couldn't really erase it to
fill in the other one. Then, what would happen if I
changed my mind again? So I just left it.

The only way I could be happy is if Obama and Clinton
were on the same ticket. Please God, let this happen.

-- margaret cho