THE BLOG

I'm Sick of People Judging My Self-Care

Even with my body change though, I continue to take care of myself as I did before. And even if all of this is something people might not know, it's time for people to stop judging what they think know. There's more than meets the eye.
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I wear size four dresses, size eight jeans, and medium sized blouses but I'm sure you think I was lying after looking at the picture below.

I've never been the healthiest person in the world. I grew up an obese kid that would be awarded with McDonalds for good grades, would go out to eat with the family every weekend, and would have much rather stayed inside and watched TV instead of playing sports or doing any sort of recreational activity. I didn't mind of people judged my self-care because I wasn't concerned with my self-care at all.

When I started getting older though, things began to change and the chubby fat kid began to lose a lot of weight as she began to go grow into her body. It was a great thing while it lasted.

After being diagnosed with hypothyroidism -- a disease in which your thyroid gland becomes inactive -- my body began to go through another transformation. One of the symptoms of this disease is weight gain. From my diagnoses in late August of 2008 till my thyroidectomy in October 2008 I gained about 20 pounds. It wasn't something I could control. So after my thyroid was removed I guess you could say that I was stuck in the past and could care less about my weight again.

I fluctuated back and forth across the same weight range (150s) till my junior year of college (2014) when I decided to actually start caring for myself. As a result my body (rightfully so) began to change again.

I started watching what I ate and made use of living in the healthy city that is Austin, Texas. It wasn't hard to find good food and an open gym to go to. I was quick to get addicted to fitness and a healthy eating regime.

While I continued to live healthy months after my lifestyle change in the Summer of 2015, the symptoms that I had before I made the change were still there. What used to be normal was never the same again as eating had been and continued to be in all honesty -- hell.

It was something beyond not being able to tolerate certain foods anymore. I never opened about my "stomach issues" to anyone outside of my immediate friend group until it was extremely noticeable.

Suddenly, I could not eat what I used to. Bread became painful to intake without stomach pain, milk would cause bloating the quickest, and I could not wear the same clothes as I used to anymore.

And it wasn't a disease that only I could see. People automatically started to assume I had let myself go and were quick to judge my self-care again assuming I had no problem with them doing so. I only wished I could scream to each one of them "I take better care of myself more that you ever will."

I eat and I look pregnant. I could go a day without eating and still look like a swallowed a watermelon. The pain in my stomach can't be fought with pills or bed rest. It's so bad that I've grown to get used to it. Doctors have told me its everything from ''a stress related reaction'' to a possible rock in my stomach. Almost two years since these problems started and no one knowns what condition I might or might not have.

Even with my body change though, I continue to take care of myself as I did before. And even if all of this is something people might not know, it's time for people to stop judging what they think know.

There's more than meets the eye.