Recently I was asked for a baby photo of myself. It took me two weeks to find one. Two weeks! My mother had taken the time many years ago to sort her five children's photos into collections for each of us to have. I think she quickly realized that my baby sister Liv, who is 15 years younger than me, ultimately, had the largest collection of us all, both in quantity and quality of the photos. I on the other hand maybe had five to ten hard copy photos from my first year, and I was her first child! I take that many pictures of my daughter, per day!
I always have my cell phone nearby. Usually it is in my hand, on my hip, in my purse, on the nightstand. Basically, it is never far. I am always ready to snap a picture or shoot video.
"Wait, I need a picture" or "Hold on, let me grab my phone." I usually yell out.
My husband will yell back, usually accompanied by an eye roll, "Do you always have to be on your phone?"
I am certain those around me consider me "social media and technology obsessed." They are right. I am.
Here is the thing, my biggest fear in life is that I will forget moments in time. I am scared I will forget memories with my daughter or my husband, or anyone or anything that makes me happy for that matter. I worry, that over time the story that I am writing will become blurry. Honestly, that is why I love my Blog and Social Media so very much. It allows me to capture moments in time, that somehow I know my brain cannot and will not always remember, process and present back. It little things. The details.
They say, "memories last forever," but already I feel like my story of my daughter's birth is cloudy in sections, and to this day I so regret not paying the extra money for a videographer for my wedding. Or, heck just setting a video camera on a tripod in the corner of the room to capture the reception. The sad reality is memories don't last forever.
During my wedding day, I can't for the life of me remember who all was in the house as I got ready. I forget the speeches. In fact, just the other evening, I asked my sister, "Do you have your speech written down? Can I see it, again?" I forget what and if my husband said anything to me at the end of the aisle, I forget the drinks on the menu. Heck, I forget the menu. I forget the moves to this dance with my father, as we surprised the guests with our father daughter dance.
For my daughter, and only child's birth, I don't remember the details as clearly as I did before when I think back now to how my labor progressed. I forget the faces of the nurses in recovery. I cannot remember how many tries it took for my daughter to start breastfeeding properly. I forget the meal other than Subway, I made my husband rush out to buy me (I was in the hospital for a few days). I forget the first night home with my family of three, other than it was a blizzard outside and we ate KFC Chicken Pot Pies.
The memories do not last forever. I can guarantee you that. However, one thing does and that is the way you feel in a moment.
I know for certain, my wedding day was 100% a fairy tale because I can remember the pure joy and excitement surrounding it. I remember the fun and that my face hurt from smiling. I remember the love in the room and among my guests. I remember the excitement and the happiness with my Dad after we danced that dance pictured above. I remember how I never wanted the day to end and I remember that Sunday morning when I woke up, there was a pit in my stomach because it was over.
With, my daughter, I remember the night my water broke in our kitchen and that my husband rushed around the house preparing for the hospital, showering and cutting his hair! All while, I nervously paced the hallway. I remember the anxiety that grew as I watched the clock and yelled, "I think we need to go now!" I remember the fear when we started the car and the gas light came on and I swore this baby was going to be delivered en route on the side of the road. I remember I was in pain but not the pain itself. I remember the fear when the Doctor was called for an emergency C-section. I remember the panic of surgery. Then, more than anything I remember the burst of happiness and explosion of love when I saw her. I remember the feeling of overwhelming joy, and the emotion that is so big you cry tears of happiness.
And, I just bring up these two examples, because they were both two of the happiest days of my life. Two days, I always thought I would remember forever. But, nearly four years after my wedding and a year and a half after my baby's birth. Details of the memories fade.
Maya Angelou said, "I've learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel."
How very true in general for life. You will forget the details and memories in the moments. You will forget the funny thing your toddler said that you swore to yourself you would never forget because it was that funny. You will forget the hurtful words you and your spouse said to each other during your first real, dirty fight. And, if you are like me, you will forget the words of your Maid of Honor speech on your wedding day and you will forget the first outfit you put on your newborn baby girl. But, you won't forget how your chest hurt as you fought back tears listening to your sweet sister read her speech and you won't forget the sigh and sense of peace when you first smelled the head of your newborn baby girl, resting on your chest.
So, when I do want to take a walk down memory lane, I have my Blog for my story. I have my Facebook and Instagram Feeds. I have a cell phone to flip through and photos saved on my computer. I don't despise technology and social media. I do not feel like it is "ruining our worlds." I do not feel like it is "replacing social interaction." In fact, I argue it enhances. It allows me to snap pictures, moments, details that I will and do forget. When I look at my personal collection of baby photos compared to my daughter's while the story is not richer or fuller, the collection and memories are, and that is purely because of the technology we have today.
At the end of the day, call me social media and technology obsessed. I do not care nor will I argue. I said before, I am. While my heart holds all the feels from these special days my cell phone and social media contain glimpses and moments in time that are a part of our story.
Snap away, friends!
This post originally appeared on backwardsnhighheels.com.