WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) -- In his latest effort to find common ground with Republicans in Congress, President Barack Obama said today that he was willing to agree that he is a Muslim.
Differences over his religious orientation have been a sore point between the president and his Republican foes for the past two years, but in agreeing that he is a Muslim, Mr. Obama is sending a clear signal that he is trying to find consensus.
"The American people do not want to see us fighting in Washington," Mr. Obama told reporters at the White House. "They want to see us working together to improve their lives, and Allah willing, we will."
But Mr. Obama's willingness to back down on his claim of being a Christian does not seem to have satisfied his Republican opposition, as GOP leader John Boehner (R-Ohio) today insisted that the President must also agree that he was born in Kenya.
While Mr. Obama did not immediately agree to Rep. Bohener's demand, he hinted that yet another compromise might be in the offing: "My place of birth has been, and will always be, negotiable."
White House sources indicated today that the president might be willing to meet the GOP halfway on his birthplace and say that he was born in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean.
Elsewhere, moments after his capture in London, WikiLeaks founder Julian Assange said, "I knew I shouldn't have signed up for Foursquare." More here.
The Los Angeles Times says Andy Borowitz has "one of the funniest Twitter feeds around." Follow Andy on Twitter here.