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This is the best thing that I know how to write right now to tell you that I love you. What else can I do but let the words flow freely from my fingers and to give you the chance to hear what you long to hear?
If you could know what is in my heart, there would be no need to talk.
Like you, I too am awakening, learning to listen to myself, learning to give myself the opportunity to go beyond the words -- to dance past the line of waiting passengers, to the train car that awaits with open doors. There's plenty of room inside for everyone -- and besides, all of our waiting in lines was just an illusion.
I wonder why I wait -- why I hesitate before jumping into the deep pool of living love.
But no matter now. All of the waiting before has nothing on me -- has nothing on the falling feeling in my belly and chest that says that the train has already embarked. My heart beat reverberates in every cell.
Someone in my head whispers, "This is useless. It'll never get you anywhere." But the truth is that it already has. My mind vacates of all thoughts.
To be in my own presence is what I crave.
Dad. I am here. It's David. Your only begotten son. The one who you called your own.
I want to tell everyone about you. To tell them how you were my father.
I was thinking yesterday about those times when I would come crying to you, thinking that my creation was ruined. Thinking that I had failed again at realizing my vision. And you would listen, hear out my tears, and smile. Then, even through my anger you would reach down and touch me with your love.
How many projects were brought back from the brink of abandonment? And how many times was I reminded that I could keep going, even when my thoughts told me otherwise? It's something else to be reminded that there is hope when all hope is lost.
The simple encouragement of love.
The, I-have-your-back-even-when-you-don't-have-your-own.
The, I love you just the way you are.
These are the ways that you were my father.
And what else can I say but "thank you," and then keep on living the love that I learned from you?
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