Everything may look perfect from the outside, or maybe it doesn't. I don't know what my life looks like to other people, but I can tell you that it probably isn't what you think. I know it's hard for everyone, and everyone has their own problems, insecurities, and issues to work through, but I just don't think people always understand mine.
I'm not searching for sympathy, pity, or attention. I am simply in search of the unicorn.
In a city where there are millions of people who can cross your path at any moment, I can't help but feel extremely lonely sometimes. To feel alone would be one thing, but to feel lonely holds a much different set of emotions.
I yearn for the companionship of someone who likes me, and maybe even loves me. Someone who just sits on the couch with me, who is my definite date, who is my without-a-question buddy to explore everything with.
Sure, we all have friends, but there is something very different about a love. A true love. Someone who looks into your eyes and says everything without saying anything.
I thought I had it, and maybe I did, but it wasn't the be-all and end-all.
I am constantly torn between wanting that big love and not thinking I am ready. However, truth be told, in the deepest reaches of my heart, I know I am ready. I am so fucking ready to be in love and have someone love me back.
There have definitely been possibilities here and there. However, I just didn't see myself with any of those possibilities. Timing was off, I was off, or, more often than not, they were really off. I know suitors are waiting, and I have passed on some amazing guys, but I am looking for the unicorn.
I am looking for it because I know it exists somewhere out there. I have heard about it from other couples. I have seen it walking on the street. I have brushed close to it in moments throughout time.
I have learned what I like, want and need, and I am not going to settle for anything less. I know I am going to have to compromise on some things, but I refuse to settle when it comes to the big things.
I think we should all look at ourselves as prizes that aren't easily obtainable and need to be wooed, but the problem is we cheapen ourselves and make it overtly easy to have a false sense of connection.
I know Mr. Right is out there. Maybe he isn't here right now, but I know in my hopeless-romantic heart that I will find the one who makes it all amazing. Who ends the search. Who allows me to tell others the tale of the unicorn.
I want it all, and I will have it all. However, for now I have lessened the amount of energy that goes into the search, but I've left my possibilities open, along with my heart, so all we can do is wait, watch, and see what comes to fruition.
If you've seen the unicorn, please let me know. I always love to hear of its tale, and the magic that surrounds it.