THE BLOG

In the Name of Mindfulness and Self Compassion -- You Are Dumped!

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When I'm with you I'm not as happy as I am when you're away.

Being with you is like low-grade stress. The ordinary moments become painful and you suck the pleasure from the good times.

Being with you my thoughts are scattered, I'm distracted and disconnected.

Being with you I don't do my best work. I make mistakes, I forget things, I miss important information -- I make poor choices.

I'm not as creative and I don't solve problems nearly as well when I'm with you. 

You even spoil those rare moments of pure "me time" when I take you with me!

Being with you I miss magic moments of simple happiness -- I miss the chance to savor them.

I miss what my children are saying. I don't taste my lunch -- I don't even notice when they smile at me. I text through their swimming lessons and miss their successes and joys. And at the end of the day, I am too exhausted to think straight -- all because of you.

And when I miss what my children are saying to me, I don't know what they need from me and I can't be the kind of mother I want to be -- connected and responsive. So you can see, it has to be over between us.

Sometimes being with you is even dangerous. Today I nearly had a car accident just because I was with you.

Being with you it's like an undercurrent of dissatisfaction with how things are -- something I can't quite put my finger on but it's there.

I find I'm much more likely to get frustrated and look for someone to blame for what is going on. It doesn't feel good and it probably never has.

Even though I've said many times that it was over between the two of us, today I will begin again by making a difference choice. I don't enjoy life with you as my companion. And even though I think I'm hooked on you and can't live without you, I know the reality is that you are a just a hard habit to break. (I know a little about changing habits so that's what I am going to do).

Being with you is bad for my health. And bad for my happiness. So why do I do it? Why do I keep coming back to you?

In the moment, I always kid myself that I'm getting more done with you around  -- and in a mother's busy life that is such a strong temptation. I always have more to do than I have time for and it's not easy to let some go. I want the house to be clean and tidy like it used to be and I want to have clean clothes to wear! I have to cook and feed my family and I need to help the children get to sleep. I need to pick them up and drop them off and that doesn't leave much time for all the other things on my list -- so you are very, very seductive my old friend.

But the price is too high. I am missing my life and I am missing their childhood. So I am sorry but multitasking, you are dumped.

Today I'm making a different choice. Today I'm choosing to just focus: to be present for one thing at a time. Today I'm going to re-commit to my other relationship -- the one that's good for me. Mindfulness.

I can't do it without being my own best friend. Any break-up is hard without friends to lean on and confide in, so I am going to be my own best friend and also tell my husband, children and girlfriends about dumping you -- and why. They will help me stick to my new healthier relationships -- Mindfulness and self-compassion.

I have everything to gain and only the illusion of control and achievement to lose. Still, it will be hard. You have been with me a long time. So I will not criticize myself when I stumble and start running back to you -- instead I will turn towards myself in kindness, patience and gentle support to guide me back and begin again.