Nothing can prepare you for the intensity of caring for a newborn, but when it comes to how often they eat or how little you’ll sleep, at least you have a general idea of what’s about to hit you.
There are a host of other developments, however, that drastically alter your ability to function and can make you doubt your grip on reality. It’s a trippy time, punctuated by blissful moments of “was-that-a real-smile?” and the occasional astonishingly loud fart.
Whether you’re currently living in the trenches or looking ahead to what your future may hold, the funny parents of Twitter and the HuffPost Parents Facebook community have catalogued some of the things about parenting a newborn that caught them by surprise.
“They make you name it while barely human and maybe on drugs.” —Corrie Mae Bentley
“It’s astounding how many of your conversations suddenly center on poop: your poop, the baby’s poop, the amount of poop, the consistency of poop. Is the baby pooping enough, is he pooping too much? Are you cleaning yourself thoroughly after pooping so that your stitches don’t get infected?” —Rhonda Wheeler Stock
“How slippy they are when wet. Soap has more friction than a wet newborn.” —Laura Grant
“That you get sent their social security card so quickly and yet you’re in your zombie sleep deprived state and are supposed to be able to keep track of it in the mail ” —Lauren Farrelly
“How far their poop can travel if you aren’t quick enough with the diaper ” —Aline Marleau
“You don’t even have to take a test! They just let/expect you to take this little thing and turn it into a fully functional human! Like what?! I’m sorry, I’m still just barely functioning.” —Brittany Waters