Men want commitment. They really are not that confusing but will only commit to a woman who is not out to control him with man-management. Men do not need someone to control and mother them and when this happens it is an instant turn-off. Nor do men want a woman who is at all needy or desperate for him to be the source of her happiness. So what makes men tick and how you can you empower yourself to have the relationship you want?
1. Never Let a Man Decide What You Get in Love: If you have an idea of how you want love to look, do not give a man the power to not give it to you. You get to decide what you want and let him know in simple and direct ways. Communicate with him not about what you want him to do or change but rather with what you do and don't want for yourself. The minute a man feels you're trying to change him or tell him what to do you have lost his attraction. So, be clear on what you do and don't want for yourself and tell him directly. This way he wants to give you the love you want.
2. Do Not Accept Substandard Treatment: Men do not want to be able to walk all over you. They want a woman they can respect. They want someone who would leave them before they would tolerate poor or lazy treatment. Men like the challenge, so do not be afraid to challenge him. Stand your ground in a calm and serious way by being who you are from your truth. If you try and convince or litigate with him your "rightness" you will lose. Be true to what you believe and he will respect and admire you for it. This turns him on and turns him around.
3. Giving Freedom: Men need freedom and are attracted to those women who would not keep him from doing the healthy things he enjoys for himself. Men want to be with a woman who can be flexible and give him the slack he needs to do the things which make him happy. Be flexible with plans instead of rigid or set in your ways. However they also respect a woman who has clear boundaries and says in simple and clear communication what is not ok with her. It makes his heart tick when he sees a woman as not taking from his life but as infinitely adding to it.
4. Positivity and Maturity: Men love elegance and the ability to make a woman happy. It is a turn off to them when women whine, pressure or complain. This is what children do to get their way or to communicate they're feeling hurt or insecure. Emotionally healthy women know and respect their own feelings more than to turn them into complaints and vehicles for playing the victim. When communicating with a man do your best to create a positive emotional environment. Men love women who bring on the fun and the positive. This type of energy makes him desire to connect with her so that he wants more and more of her time.
5. Attraction: Men are attracted to what they cannot control or predict. They obsess over women who flirt, give them attention and then don't feel the need to talk the next day. Neediness and desperation are perhaps the biggest attraction killers for a man. One thing to keep in mind is men fall in love in your absence while you fall in love in their presence. Give him the space to miss you and then make the time you have together positive and high quality.
Much of what makes men tick is counter-intuitive to women. The concept of you being less actually makes you more to a man. Being less, meaning you do not have to work so darn hard to figure a man out to keep him. Be simple, give space, live and love your own life and do not make him the center of your universe. This draws him to you because your emotions will not be dictated by everything he does or doesn't do. It keeps you sexy and this keeps him challenged and wanting to work to keep you in his life. Learn to receive, to follow and to express yourself simply within the idea of not changing him but communicating with him in plain language what you want and don't want for yourself.
Sherapy Advice: Love yourself, live your life and create the space for a man to love you.
Dr. Sherrie Campbell is a veteran psychologist and the author of Loving Yourself: The Mastery of Being Your Own Person. Visit her website Sherriecampbellphd.com for more information.