“Another Christmas where I’m the only one without a date. It’s unbearable” 36 year old Paige* shared a few weeks ago as she was knee deep in the holiday season. “I just want to skip the celebrations… what do I have to celebrate? Picking out a Christmas tree alone, surrounded by giggling couples as they choose their perfect tree? For their perfect life together?”
Paige spent her 20’s building an insanely successful career in marketing. She admittedly put dating on the backburner, believing that as soon as she got the raise… the promotion… as soon as she was recognized for being the best of the best, she would ease back on her career goals and work toward her love goal. Now as her 30’s tick by, she has been feeling more desperate to reach that love goal. To stop the dating game and settle down.
But, as another holiday season comes and goes, the sting of being single weighs heavily on her. While Christmas is supposed to be a time to celebrate connections, spending the holidays with her family makes Paige feel more alone than ever.
“My younger brother got married last year and has a baby on the way. My younger sister has been in a serious relationship for a few years now. I have to wonder what the hell is wrong with me? Why can’t I settle down like they have? I’m the last in my family… the last of my friends. It’s embarrassing to keep showing up for Christmas alone.”
As part of an ongoing series, I’m following the lives of women just like Paige - women who are in their 30’s and are eager to find love and create families, but continue to strike out. If you haven’t read the first article, check it out here.
According to the National Institute for Health, Christmas is the time of year that people experience the highest levels of loneliness and depression. In fact, in one North American study, 45% of respondents reported that they actually dread the holiday season. Between the pressure to find love and the stress of the holiday season, it’s no wonder why Paige wasn’t exactly feeling festive.
As Christmas 2016 has come and gone and 2017 rapidly approaches, a little over 45% of Americans will make New Year’s resolutions. Last year, falling in love was ranked as the 9th most common resolution. But, an estimated 92% of resolutioners were unsuccessful at achieving their goal.
As you prepare to fly solo for the NYE ball drop and the dread of going without a New Year’s kiss begins to take hold, I’m encouraging you to be part of the 55% NOT making a resolution. Instead, get reflective and get intentional about your search for the relationship of your dreams.
Grab your journal (or buy a fresh one!) settle in, and review 2016
- Take some time to reflect on what did and what didn’t work for you in your search for love in 2016.
- What were your successes and your downfalls?
- How did you self sabotage and how/when did you show up as the beautifully badass woman that often gets hidden away?
Consider how you have been playing a role in your less than successful attempts to find love
Ask yourself what responsibility you can claim in the dates gone wrong, your uncanny ability to kiss *all the frogs* and your seemingly endless search to find your prince charming.
Now, consider if these misses have been happening through you, instead of to you. As you begin to take responsibility for your role in the love-seeking dynamic, you’ll be better equipped to take action and change course if you find yourself falling into similar patterns.
Ask for honest feedback
Turn to your trusted sources- your therapist, your best friend, your sister- and get their critical feedback. How do they view your search for love? How/when have they seen you show up as your best self and as a hot mess?
Ask these trusted sources to continue to support you and call you out when they see you falling into old patterns (ie falling for those princes that have turned out to be frogs… ribbit).
Set clear intentions for 2017
You want to find your partner. You want the option of starting a family. But, what do you have to do to be open and ready for this kind of change?
Here are a few questions to reflect on:
- What hurts do you have to let go of and what wounds do you have left to heal?
- What does your dream relationship look like and how does it feel? Get clear on it. Envision it. Feel it.
- What do you have to do to forgive yourself, commit to yourself and love yourself in order to open your heart to receive the love you’ve been searching for?
Finding direction through these reflections, my love-seeking-sister, is where your 2017 intentions can lie.
And, don’t think you have to do it alone!
Sign up here to join my list of other beautifully badass single women who are sifting through their baggage, healing their wounds, and learning the power of living intentionally and authentically to attract the love they’ve been dreaming of.
I’ll send you insights, stories and strategies to help you uncover and strengthen the tools you need to open your heart and land the man that will it make it soar.
P.S. Dance your heart out as that sparkly NYE ball drops. Then, give yourself a quick embrace. You deserve it. And, you’ve got this.
*Names have been changed to protect the identity of participants.