'Iron Man 3': Yet Another Interview With A Chitauri Warrior


Earlier this week, the much-anticipated trailer for Iron Man 3 debuted. Unfortunately, our requests to discuss the trailer with the star Robert Downey Jr. were denied. (This is a lie, we never asked.) But, the good news is that we may have the next best thing: our old friend The Chitauri Warrior from The Avengers. So, let's find out what he's been doing since our last visit and maybe just get a scoop or two about Iron Man 3.

(Also, you're welcome, nobody.)

Thanks for joining me, Chitauri Warrior.
You're welcome. And, please, call me Steven.

I thought you went by Steve.
My agent felt that Steven the Chitauri Warrior sounded classier than Steve the Chitauri Warrior. Also, apparently there's already a "Steve the Chitauri Warrior" in SAG.

So, Steven, what did you think of the Iron Man 3 trailer?
I think there's a misunderstanding, I was not under the impression we'd be talking about Iron Man 3.

But that's why we wanted to talk to you today. You know, we were thinking that you could break it down for us with all of your insider knowledge.

Chitauri Warrior?
Look, compared to other Chitauri Warriors, I'm a pretty easy Chitauri to get along with. But I was told that I was here to talk about my upcoming appearance on Chicago Fire.

Oh, sorry for the confusion, Chitauri Warrior. OK, who do you play on Chicago Fire?
I play a human being who is in a building that is on fire.

How did you get this role?
Well, a good friend of mine, David Faustino, knows one of the producers and he put us in touch. David is a great guy.

How did you approach your role on Chicago Fire in comparison to how you prepared for The Avengers?
Well, for one, when I was in The Avengers, I didn't realize that it was a movie. I mean, I really thought I was invading Earth. They didn't let us in on the fact that it was all fiction until after shooting was complete.

Is this why you don't want to talk about Iron Man 3?
Do you want to know the reason? To be honest, I just don't like the guy.

Tony Stark?
Tony Stark is a fictional character. I'm talking about Robert Downey Jr.

Wait, he seems so charming. Why would you say that, Chitauri Warrior?
I let a lot of things go. When The Hulk punched my friend, Mitch, in the face ... I didn't hold a grudge. In fact, when I've seen Lou Ferrigno around town, we've had very pleasant conversations ...

Wait, Lou Ferrigno didn't play Hulk in ...
But the one thing I can't accept is intolerance.

What are you trying to say?
Between invasion rounds -- I later found out these were "takes" -- I overheard Downey make a snide remark about the comedic stylings of Sinbad. If there's one thing that the Chitauri love, it's Sinbad.

Are you in Iron Man 3, Chitauri Warrior?
Yes, but it's hard to see me.

Oh, who are you playing?
In the trailer, do you know that scene in which a helicopter shoots a missile that destroys Tony Stark's house? I'm the one flying the helicopter. This scene was never in the final script, that's just me acting on my own accord because of the Sinbad comments. Later, I learned they decided to keep it in the movie.

I have a few of questions from readers, do you mind answering them?

Versha asks, "Do you find Loki attractive?"
Again, Loki, as I found out, is a fictional character. You know, it's hard to think of Tom Hiddleston as anything but "terrible leader." But, then I saw him in War Horse and, well, hubba hubba.

Matt would like your opinion on the U.S. Presidential election.
I support Mitt Romney. This has nothing to do with him being one eighth Chitauri Warrior.

Dave wants to know if you will be in Guardians of the Galaxy?
If anyone, Dave should already know the answer to this question. (Do you mind telling Dave that the storyboards I promised him will be in the mail next week?)

John asks, "What was the deal with the Chitauri holding hostages in a bank? That scene just didn't vibe."
Now, that was one big misunderstanding. For our invasion efforts, we were paid in change for reasons I can't even fathom. Anyway, a few of us were told that particular branch had a penny arcade that would convert all of our change in to paper Earth currency. Next thing I know, some guy is throwing a red and blue trash can lid at me.

Andrew wants to know if it was all soundstage work on The Avengers?
Like I've said, I thought we were actually invading New York. As it turns out, it was Cleveland, which is almost as depressing as a sound stage.

Matt is wondering if you will be in the next James Bond film?
I'm assuming this question has something to do with the rumors this week about David Faustino taking over the role of Bond. For now, I can't comment on this. But David is a really a great guy and a good friend.

Well, it's been great talking to you again, Chitauri Warrior.
As always, thanks for having me. Also: death to Earth.

Mike Ryan is senior writer for Huffington Post Entertainment. You can contact him directly on Twitter.