IRS Refuses to Play More Upbeat Music for Callers on Hold

In the wake of protests from delinquent taxpayers about the depressing music that telephone callers to the Internal Revenue Service must endure when they are automatically placed on hold for forty-five minutes, the IRS has issued a statement, which reads, in pertinent part:

"There will be no changes made to the Internal Revenue Service's existing telephone system configuration. While we concede that the music in question is decidedly melancholy, it is our position that the complainants should have thought of that before they dropped the ball on the most basic obligation of a U.S. citizen. The Internal Revenue Service also takes the position that even the Jeff Buckley version of Leonard Cohen's "Hallelujah" can evoke positive feelings in a taxpayer with a clean conscience."