In, Help! I'm Hung Like A Bear And I Can't Get Guys To Pay Attention To Anything Else! a reader to my sex advice column complains that guys are obsessed with the least important thing about himself:
Why is being hung a problem for me? That seems to become my date's main focus. I just got a call this morning from man I was dating before January. We had stopped as he had to travel for his business for few months. Told him was glad to hear from him and had enjoyed our several dates and would love to see him again. He told me "I just miss your d*ck."
Recently I ended a dating relationship that I thought was starting off well. He was going away for 2 weeks and asked if he could take a picture of me to have while away. I was very flattered, until he told me all he wanted was a picture of my erection.
That is just 2 of several examples. And yes I have explained to these men how I feel, but their focus seems to stay the same. Some have even shared my size with their friends, who, when I first meet them, make comments how they have heard all about my size...not my name...not what I do for a living...not how much their friend enjoys being with me.
The reader goes on at length about how awful it is that guys objectify him to the point that nothing else about him matters. As I read his long lamentation a two thoughts occurred to me:
1. Can You Feel Sorry For The Blessed?
Not in my book. I make it a personal policy never to feel sorry for the beautiful, the rich or the talented. They already have our attention and our desire--they need our pity too?
I don't think so. My heart goes out to people burdened with disadvantages, not born with blessings. I always have to hide this prickly side of me when celebrities like Michael Jackson or Whitney Houston make a shambles of their lives, die, and half the population goes into a big pity party. Yes, let's feel sorry for people who had everything--money, looks and power and still manage to screw up their lives to the point of an early death.
But I digress.
A representative of a condom manufacturer once told me that about 6 percent of the population needs an extra-large condom (check out his wildly inventive way to tell if you need an extra large rubber). That means 94 percent of the male population is somehow supposed to feel sorry for the 6 percent burdened by, what, a higher cost per condom? Puh-leeze. Write me with a real problem.
2. Can You Be Burdened By A Blessing?
No. I'll tell you what the problem is with the gifted. It isn't their gift. It's their inability to use it to their advantage. For example, a beautiful woman who doesn't get taken seriously at work because straight guys can't get past her cleavage is actually in a MUCH better position to advance her agenda than a flat-chested woman. Why? Because she has power over the men who aren't taking her seriously. And if she uses that power correctly she can affect the workplace to her advantage. Yes, Ms. Buxom has more obstacles but she also has more opportunities.
Similarly, I'm not saying that sometimes the 6 percent of men who need an extra-large condom don't have difficulties getting treated like a three-dimensional human being. I'm saying they're much better equipped than the other 94 percent to get what they want. How should Mr. Tripod use his "gift" to further his agenda? Click here to see my full answer, but generally speaking, if you have a physical characteristic that attracts both desirable and undesirable attention, it helps to know something about the gay male mentality: We might be attracted to the physical but we stay for the emotional. Just because someone is first attracted to your physical characteristic doesn't mean that's the only thing he's attracted to.
Have you ever gone out with someone strictly because you were physically attracted to him and then fell in love with his personality? Well, you might never have had the opportunity to fall in love if it hadn't been for the physical characteristics you were first attracted to.
Love is a numbers game. The more you have a pool to pull from, the more you'll pull from the pool. Possessing a physical characteristic that increases your opportunity isn't a curse. It's a pool-builder.
The author's latest book is How To Bottom Like A Porn Star.