...Or can it be both? For me, so many years ago, my divorce was exactly that. An ending to a not-so-great marriage but simultaneously was a beginning -- a fresh start -- to creating the kind of life that I really wanted to have for myself. I could finally live my life on my own terms.
When people consider this question, I believe it depends on where they are and how they feel about their impending divorce. For many people, it's the end of a dream and a future with someone that they wholeheartedly believed they would grow old together with. And, for many people, the new beginning part doesn't come until a significant amount of time has passed.
One way to look at it? Although it is the ending of your marriage, it is not the ending of everything. A divorce does not have to define you (and shouldn't) and limit you to the person that you think you are unless you allow it to. By focusing on you, what you need, and what your family needs, you will be able to get through your divorce and end up on the other side. Often there are nuggets of opportunity that are hiding in plain sight if we just take a step back and refocus.
How can you let it be a new beginning?
Find peace. This takes time and often begins with the acknowledgement of what has happened -- to you and your family -- along with the ultimate ripple effects that divorce has on your life. Listen to your intuition.
Discover new dreams. So often we discover that, while divorcing, you may actually find that the dreams you had about your future as your younger self are not as bound up with, or dependent upon, your being in a marriage or relationship as you first thought. You'll discover a new set of dreams that have been gathering in the background of your life but haven't had a chance to come into focus because your attention has been focused elsewhere.
A fresh start. A fresh start can mean many things. New goals, unbound freedom, room to explore. Despite the difficult path that divorce takes you down, your personal journey through self-rediscovery can be both painful and promising.
Create a new future. Yours, by design. How will you visualize your new future? Will you stay wedded to your past or will you - after some time and introspection - create a different future for yourself? You can build your future in whatever way you want, without anyone telling you what you have to do. The world is at your fingertips.
A temporary sideline. In the end, don't let your divorce hold you back from living the life that you had envisioned for yourself. Yes, divorce can sideline you for a bit, but eventually you have to get back up and start moving in a positive direction. Have a little faith in yourself!
How you view your divorce is instrumental for your future. With a positive and realistic outlook knowing that it will be a roller coaster ride for some time, it provides an opportunity to start over. You might think it's about your ex and the dreams that you lost -- but, in truth, working through your divorce is really about you and all that you have to offer. Yes, divorce can and often is a long process and requires effort and energy -- but, in doing that, you'll make it to the other side of divorce.
Focusing on your future and your new life will help you see things differently. The changes that take place will be viewed as positive, even if they come with a lot of hard work. The hard work will result in YOU creating a better life for yourself - one that you never imagined possible! Don't let your divorce hold you back from living the life that you had envisioned for yourself. Keep moving forward.
So, is your divorce an ending or a new beginning? I think we both know the answer to that.