I don't know what it is about Donald, but since he can't answer simple questions like those tossed to him by Lesley Stahl on 60 Minutes Sunday night without going all Trumpion, I find myself transfixed by Donald's eyebrows and hair. (Pence is just a wee white Chia pet next to Donald.) Why am I not concentrating on Donald's immigration, gender, economic and women's right policies one might wonder? Because I'm not. To put it simply I am the north to his south in all areas of policy; the U.S. to his Mexico.
First off we'll start this topic off with manscaping. Even though one might think that Melania (perfectly coiffed) would want a manscaping husband, I argue, Donald does not fit this bill. God, he needs to dial in Ivanka's stylist. Now, witness those eyebrows. They are not waxed. I am just dying to get my tweezer near those bushy unibrows of fake blondness to see what treasure lies beneath. Also does he have even have chest hair? I'm going to bet he does. But what color is it? Unlike President Kennedy and Obama, who do not have chest hair, Donald is typically bundled up in a suit coat. When he goes casual, he sports a polo. So we may never find what lurks beneath. Then again, I just might not want to know, nor do I want to see paparazzi shots of him lounging in Palm Beach.
In order to be a metrosexual, Trump would have to go to a hair salon under one category that I saw listed in its definition of a metrosexual, or stop at a Banana Republic if he passed by one. On Facebook last night someone said they knew someone who could "vouch" that Trump styles his own hair. Oh my, what a notch of information to have. In my opinion, his hair Is very Dutch colonies 1700s. It has four diagonal sheep skin rugs to it and it simply must be held in place, I argue, by Aqua Net since no man's hair spray has the power to keep it together like that all day. To be a metrosexual, he would have to use pomade. I can bet you Trump has never met hair icon Sally Hershberger, as she would have Meg Ryan-ized him, male style, by now.
You would think that he prides himself on the look of things, including his well-trimmed golf courses, Trump should look at himself in the mirror. Donald Trump needs to get on Pinterest. Some possible inspiration he could draw from would be Cary Grant, George Clooney, David Beckham...and Boris Johnson.