This thought in your mind keeps reminding you of your age, gender, and any other societal conditioning that separates you from others.
"If only, I was older, I could..."
"If only, I was younger, I could..."
It has programmed you to live in fear, doubt and worry. In the world of scarcity, we compete with each other to be the best and feel special. It's important that people know how successful we are. We wear our badges with pride as others acknowledge and revere us.
"By the age of 32, I was the first vice president at XYZ company..."
"I was the first woman in my family to to be listed on the 40 under 40 list..."
In the pursuit of success, we numb ourselves with what we are told we need. Some watch a lot of television so they can discuss the latest episodes of the most popular TV shows. Others get the latest hairstyles that are "in style" so they can fit in and look "right." We read the hottest books so we can impress each other with how smart we are.
In business, we look around to the best practices of others and try to fit them into our organization. One day it is mindfulness, and another day it is happiness. We believe that because it worked for someone else, it would work for us too if we just followed the steps.
Rushing to Success
In this rush of success in the world of scarcity, where we need to take others down to have our fair share of the pie, we have lost ourselves. We are the main characters in someone else's story. Someone who knows what is best for us. We are so scared of failure that we pursue success.
But what is there is no such thing as failure and it is a story that no longer serves us? I asked a room with 100 people at a workshop I co-facilitated last night if they ever fell down. Hands went up in the air. I then asked them, what happened? They laughed quietly and whispered that they got up and yes, there were bruises and aches. But they got up and learned something that served them. Sure, people laugh in embarrassment, when they see someone take a tumble on a street. But most often, others rush to help the person and make sure they are okay. There is always help around the corner for us when we trust ourselves to go outside our comfort zone.
What's your enough?
In a world that wants to make you like everyone else and doubt what is truly in your heart by making you believe that there is an answer outside yourself to pursue, do you know what you want to create? Are you creating it or feeling stuck because you have to make a living and support your family and stay on the treadmill? Most of us feel stuck and overwhelmed by our responsibility to pay the bills, the mortgage and our need to make a respectable living. And sometimes, we may wonder how we got here. And this is where you may realize that having the big house and the latest designer clothes are stressing you out.
We were not born to suffer. We are here to create, create, create. We have everything we need when we believe that we are living our enough. For me, I like to sleep indoors, eat healthy, do my life's work and connect deeply with others. My enough is not what I was told it should be. When I started LIFEworking, there was a high personal cost and decisions I needed to make about what no longer serves me. But that was a shift from a scarcity mindset of being a workaholic and believing that my life was my work, and being a lifeaholic, where my life is my life and my work is what I co-create in the world of abundant possibilities and opportunities. The journey to our enough requires to ask questions and make different choices.
The Turning Point
We each reach a turning point, and it's personal. There is no timeline that you need to compare yourself to others. You no longer have to worry that the other kids can walk and yours is still crawling around loving life. At some point, you realize things about life, yourself and the world around you. On this road, you may have experienced business ventures, relationships and dreams that went south. Often, we feel stuck in jobs, houses, relationships and situations that continually drain our energy with more debt and more drama. They build up and at some point, reach a point of no return.
It's personal for each person. Some turn to addiction, while others start a journey of questioning and deep exploration. You may find you no longer want to impress others with how successful you are, what you own and what car you drive. You may find yourself reading a book about how to declutter your life from the material goods you were told would make you happy. And once you seek quality of life, going outside for a walk may give you more pleasure than you ever imagined. You may also stop exercising and have a mindset of movement for your body as something you do all the time as part of your day. It is simply a way of life. When I traveled to Africa, I would say, many people walk here to get to their destination and are very fit, while in the U.S., many people who live in the suburbs drive to go for a walk.
We've all had our share of joys and heartbreaks. It's part of the human condition. Those fairy tales that were read to us as kids involved fairies. We are not meant to have the "perfect dream life" or live someone else's story. What no one tells us is that our story is about unlocking our unlimited potential in ourselves to truly experience the life we have been given, regardless of our circumstances. And yes, sometimes we fall down and then we get up. It's a rhythm where we learn to move with grace and ease. You fell down. That is all.
What if you didn't need a personal brand and simply knew who you are, why you are here and who you can co-create with?
What would you do then?
You can choose to be a workaholic (20th century scarcity mindset) or you can become a lifeaholic (21st century abundance mindset)? It's a choice.
You can be addicted to playing a role in someone else's story by keeping up or you can write, direct and star in your own life story. It's a choice.
Is this an easy or difficult path? It depends on the story you tell yourself. If you tell yourself, it's easy, you will approach it with curiosity and courage. If you tell yourself it's hard, you will struggle down the path. It's a choice.
Planting seeds for your path means you will need to dig in the dirt and life can get messy. And it all depends on how you greet each experience you create to learn and grow on this adventure called life.
Living in Possibilities
You may have lived a life where other people and beliefs had power over your life. By becoming a lifeaholic, you realize it's your story to write and create. You discover that there is nothing new, apart from you, and that you have everything you need, despite your circumstances. External events no longer have a devastating effect on you as you recognize your own power to pursue possibilities.
Instead of problems, you see opportunities to make what you imagine real simply because you know you can. You don't need a guru or a secret recipe. To become a lifeaholic, you need to trust yourself deeply and make space for some amazing people to show up in your life from unexpected and unusual places. Anything and everything is possible when we leave the treadmill of conditioned fear, scarcity and competition.
Questions to Ask on the Path of Becoming A Lifeaholic
Go to your favorite Spot and Ask Yourself:
- What are my biggest fears?
- What's the worst thing that could happen to me?
- What and who drain my energy? What and who fuel me?
- What's my enough?
- If I only took what I needed, what would that be?
- Who am I? Why am I here? What do I want to create in the world and with who?
- What if life is one big adventure, and work was just part of it, what can I imagine creating? What are my biggest opportunities and possibilities?
- What's the artist in me painting on my canvass?
What's your story?