Perfection - is it your best friend or your greatest enemy? How much of your life is spent trying to be perfect; worrying about having the perfect website design, relationship, home or pair of shoes?
There is nothing wrong with striving for excellence. However, if you cross over into the obsession of perfection you could be damaging your business, your health and your relationships.
Inner Critic
The relentless voice of your inner critic is a symbol of perfectionism. Everyone has an inner critic. It's that repetitive little voice that pops up when you least want it to and reminds you of your perceived failures and shortcomings.
"You should've done a better job than that. I don't know why your boss keeps your around".
"Your customers aren't going to like your new product. What were you thinking when you choose those brand colours?!"
When you constantly criticise yourself, that you once again haven't met the impossibly high standards that you set for yourself, perfectionism becomes a problem as it begins to affect the way that you feel about yourself.
By becoming aware of that internal voice, and meeting it head on, you take away its power. Rather than resisting it, or ignoring it, focus instead on acknowledging it and recognising its flaws.
As a recovering perfectionist I'm constantly on the watch for my inner critic as I know that I can be very hard on myself.
Benefits vs. Costs of Perfection
Perfectionism is not necessarily an evil that must be banished completely. Taking a look at the costs and benefits of being a perfectionist can reveal those parts you wish to keep and those you wish to remove from your life.
These are some of the benefits I've obtained by being a perfectionist:
- Feeling organised
- Feeling disciplined
- Constant motivation to grow
- Confident that I can do a great job
- Confident that I can achieve whatever I put my mind to
- Always wanting to do my personal best
- Being dependable and reliable
I'm sounding pretty good so far!
Now for the costs I've paid:
- Procrastination
- Health issues including stress, anxiety, depression
- Lost energy to keep up a certain image
- Lost track of myself
- Not taking the time to nurture that part of myself that needs to relax and unwind
- Tendency to be a control freak.
Now that is not sounding like someone who is easy to be around! The costs of my perfectionist streak are all too clear.
I'd always thought of my perfectionist streak as an asset, as it meant that I always did an excellent job at work. It took me years to realise that I had become my own worst enemy as I was spending endless hours at work in an attempt to give everyone the Rolls Royce treatment when it wasn't always required.
Spending longer and longer at work, skipping lunch breaks because there was so much to do, not having regular exercise (even though I loved it); life became a busy rush that revolved around my work. I know that I can't have been a pleasure to work for either as I had impossibly high expectations of those around me.
We perfectionists are generally not very kind or compassionate towards ourselves. For us nothing is ever good enough so we get little or no satisfaction from what we have achieved.
Watch For Shift of Energy
You can easily become aware of the shift of energy that results when you move from striving for excellence to your perfection obsession.
Imagine you have a project to plan; maybe it's a work project, a dinner party or a kid's birthday party. You feel excited and start to plan. As you progress watch out for shifts in your energy e.g. going from contentment to anxiety.
Do you find yourself wishing you'd never started the project or that no-one else is putting in the same effort as you? If you become resentful of the time you are spending then you may have shifted to a fear base and perfectionism loves it there.
As you become more practised in noticed your energy shifting you'll be able to stop and look at what is happening. You can then make a conscious choice about what you do next rather than continuing along your path blindly.
Reframe Your View of Perfection
Forever chasing the myth of perfection can be time consuming and exhausting. We all need to recognise that life is messy and difficult and that sometimes, good is good enough.
I know that it can be hard for a perfectionist to honour themselves and give themselves the self-care they need. These days I'm much kinder to myself and focus on enjoying the ride as much as the result.
Be kind, gentle and loving to yourself. You are your own best friend, so stop for a moment, put aside your to do list and take a moment to breath and give yourself a break from chasing the illusion of perfection.