Is Social Networking Sabotaging Your Relationship?

Thanks to real-time Twitter updates, Facebook wall posts and the like, social networking provides a potentially dangerous amount of knowledge about our love interests.
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A recent tech blog posed the question: could you keep social networking out of your dating life?

In my opinion, it's a really good idea. Thanks to real-time Twitter updates, Facebook wall posts and the like, social networking provides a potentially dangerous amount of knowledge about our love interests. This can trigger all kinds of unpleasant feelings (insecurity, jealousy, and competitiveness, to name a few) and can sabotage a new relationship before it even has a chance to take root.

Case in point - this dating dilemma from a reader:


"Hi Paige,

I am in a brand new (2 month) relationship. We clicked from the beginning and we both feel there is potential for a 'forever.'

Here's my problem: 2 weeks ago I found his Facebook profile where he says he is 'looking for friends and dating.' Some much younger girls are listed as his friends and they had posted cute remarks.

I started logging on numerous times a day to see if he had logged on and if more comments were posted. It absolutely drove me crazy! Then, anytime I wouldn't see him, I assumed he was out with one of these girls. I lost my mind, and accused him of seeing other women.

In his defense, he introduced me to all of his friends as his girlfriend, invited me to a company picnic where I met his co-workers, etc. So on one hand I feel secure, but on the other hand I'm so afraid he's going to break my heart.

I really like this guy and don't want to mess things up with my insecurities. Help!
Reina"

My Dating Without Drama Tip: Trust Begins With You

Hi Reina,

Your dilemma puts a new face on an age-old issue. Even though people have only been using the Internet to date for a couple of decades, women have been struggling with insecurity since the beginning of time.

I'm sure that even cavewomen got suspicious when their men went out to hunt dinner and came home three hours later without a bison slung over their shoulder. And in more recent history, before the days of cell phones and caller ID, a woman had to find lipstick on her man's collar before she'd know he was up to no good.

Now that we have the Internet, however, we have the ability to be our own online private eye, tracking a guy's every movement. Seeing when he logs in and out. Monitoring his profile. Checking out all the other people who are checking him out. All this information is enough to drive a girl crazy!

And it will if you're not careful.

So here's my advice: Stop checking up on him online.

You just started dating two months ago, and in my opinion, you both should be dating other people until you know for sure that you're right for one another. After you've dated awhile and decide to become exclusive, then you have a right to say something about any questionable online profiles.

That doesn't mean stalking him online and then accusing him of being out with this one or that one behind your back. It means having a calm, adult conversation. Try, "Now that we are in a committed relationship I think our online profiles should reflect that, don't you?"

He can't argue with that! (And if he does, well, he's definitely not boyfriend material.)

Until then, consider the saying: "Actions speak louder than words." Right now, your guy's actions (introducing you to his friends, calling you his girlfriend, telling you that he sees a future with you) are speaking a whole lot louder than any words ('looking for friends and dating') he has posted on Facebook.

You said you're afraid he's going to break your heart. It sounds to me like you never gave this guy a chance to prove himself to you. Instead, you allowed your curiosity - and jealousy - to get the best of you, and out of fear of being hurt, you used Facebook as a sort of modern-day defense mechanism.

In other words, you convinced yourself that he was too good to be true, and then you set out to prove yourself right by monitoring his behavior online. Even the strongest connection cannot grow into a healthy relationship without trust. And trust is a tricky thing to learn how to master, especially because it's not always about just having faith in the other person's intentions.

A huge component of trust is having enough confidence in yourself to believe that you deserve to be treated well and to be loved unconditionally.

Once you embrace the fact that you are a phenomenal woman who deserves a man who will recognize all your amazing qualities and will do everything in his power to keep you in his life, you won't be quite so shocked when you meet a guy who actually does!

Trust, then, won't be such a tough feat after all.

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