Is this my beginning or is this my end?

It’s Official, we are almost one month into the New Year and Yet, It feels like we’ve just gotten our wheels stuck in the mud. The world is in Chaos, everyone is depressed from the Holidays and the Election, nastiness on social media has skyrocketed and I think we’ve all just decided to mentally check out on friendships and relationships because we can barely deal with our own theatrics, let alone someone else’s dramatics.

We’re all just tired of everyone and Everything.

And Yet, There’s a simple desire just to be wanted and needed, to have someone ask “How is everything going?” without expecting the usual “Fine, You” because we all know the long answer would depress the hell out of that other person.

I recently had lunch with two sets of different people, the First Set was socially awkward because although we hadn’t seen each other in many years, there was very little that could be said because in 2017, if it’s not posted on Facebook before, it’s a struggle to make basic conversation. I literally sat there wondering if I could bail because no one was talking, one person of the two was focused on her cell phone, which I admit, I do that more often than I should but it’s still annoying and the other person was trying to keep up the flow of conversation by asking prying questions. At one point, it felt more like a Barbara Walters interview.

As a Person with a Social Skills issue, I admit, my mouth runs more than it should but even I couldn’t think of anything worthwhile to say that wouldn’t risk offending this person and coming from the Family I do, we can chat through seven courses without blinking or pausing. This was a lunch I’d rather soon forget.

The second lunch with the Second set of People was much more relaxed because well, being biased because they were my own family but I noticed that I still held back because I wasn’t sure how to approach the situation without blubbering on and I found myself wondering if the problem wasn’t with these people but instead .. it was me?

I admit, it’s a selfish mentality because the other side is, “I’m the damaged one, They are perfectly fine,” That there is something profoundly wrong with me that I can’t carry on a simple one hour meal with people I’ve known my entire life. or that I’m just not comfortable with people in general. I could blame It on the whole only child syndrome but the truth is, I’m not just comfortable with people in general.

When you’ve lost a significant amount of time after an illness or you have a kid, It’s hard to reconnect with people and as hard as they try, until you’ve lived it, you can’t understand.

Over the past few years, I’ve developed kind of loner tendencies, I travel alone, go to the movies and concerts alone, generally As Frank Sinatra said “I did my way” because for the simple fact is, I don’t want to be forced into a situation where another person feels obligated to tag along and then makes the whole trip miserable.

So When the First set of People asked if I missed romance, sex etc, I lied and said No I didn’t miss it because I didn’t want to into a lengthy conversation over what the hell was wrong with me and the many many many ways I could improve myself. If I had wanted a therapy sessions, I'd pay the 150 bucks an hour.

The truth is, I do miss it, I miss a lot of things and sometimes when you are in a new place alone in a hotel room, you miss sharing that experience with another person instead of a device. I just didn’t want to be asked 20 questions and make it even more awkward than it already was and if I came back with an answer they didn’t like, I could see it in their faces.

So what’s the solution? Do I join tinder and Hope I find Prince Charming with a magic Pumpkin? Or with my luck, Freddie Krueger with Mommy issues?

Who knows? But I think I’ve come to the conclusion that maybe lunches with people should come with a Buffer..

Are you already over 2017? or Do you wish we still could have just the tiniest bit of 2016 back when we at least were tolerable of each other?

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