You meet Mr. Great Guy. You have a ton in common, your chemistry is through the roof and your dates are magical. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, things get weird: He starts to fade away, he disappears for a week or he simply vanishes into thin air.
You got "ghosted."
Whether he's someone you're serious with or he's a guy you're starting to fall for, ghosting can leave you mystified. It can cause you to doubt yourself or to make excuses like, "He's just busy," or, "He has a lot going on at work," secretly hoping he'll come back from the dead.
Many of us have been ghosted at one point or another in our love lives and I'm no exception. I met this guy and we had an instant connection. We started falling for each other, hard and fast. Even though he said he had a problem with commitment in the past, I thought our relationship was different. But after a few months, our closeness spooked him. Soon after, he was gone.
Don't allow yourself be haunted by this phantom. Step out of the fog. Here are several ways your guy could be ghosting you.
Your communication is cut off.
His daily, witty texts to you have slowly faded until all you hear is radio silence. Your intimate conversations are now quick catch-ups, or he doesn't have time to talk at all. In the digital age, it's far too easy to ditch someone without ever having to see his or her face. He'd rather just put on his invisible cloak and disappear than face his fear of breaking it off with you.
If all you're hearing is static, then it's probably time to delete his number, because he's finished. Don't be a fool; drop the ghoul. In this case, silence is golden, because you are free to strike up a conversation with a better guy.
He vanishes after hooking up with you.
You may be thinking, What did I say? What did I do that made him bolt? You did nothing. Some guys like the hunt, but once they've got you, they're done. With the next date just a Tinder swipe away, he's probably already on the hunt for someone else.
But what if your phone buzzes at midnight with a text from him asking, "Want to come over?" Don't fall for it. He's asking for a casual hookup, not a committed relationship. If you give in, he'll just ghost you again. Do your own vanishing act instead.
He's not really there.
He's working late every night. He's being deceitful about where he's been, or what he's been doing. Or he seems to be hiding something (or someone) in the shadows. This mystery guy is not for you.
You don't need an Ouija board to figure this guy out. He's obviously scared to tell you the truth about why he's acting the way he is. He doesn't have the guts to end it so, consciously or not, he's making life hell for you. This is a losing game. Do anything and everything you can to take your mind off him and put it back on you.
He disappears... then reappears... then disappears.
This magic act is not your style. Don't put up with it. Men usually come back out of curiosity or to get a quick ego boost. If he shows up out of nowhere asking for a date, chances are he'll vanish again soon enough. Don't be haunted by this guy. Tell him to get lost, instead.
The truth is, if your guy is ghosting you, it's for a reason. It could be he's still hung up on his ex, or he can't handle commitment, or he's found someone else and is afraid to tell you. You're not going to get closure, which is frustrating, but you can move on knowing you deserve so much better.
The most important thing is that if a guy wants to be with you he'll let you know. He won't back off, play games, or disappear into the fog. If your guy pulls a vanishing act on you, he did you a favor. You are now free to find a guy who will be clear and present with you all the way.
When you think about it... what ghost story ever turns out well for the girl?