This past presidential election was the fourth that I’ve been able to participate in, and definitely the most disturbing that I’ve witnessed in my lifetime. This also happened to be the first presidential election I’ve experienced since becoming a mother. I was truly appalled at some of the behavior I witnessed—and this is coming from the mom of a toddler.
I have recently found myself making the following argument to adult people: I would never allow my own child to behave this way, why is it acceptable for adults (especially people holding the highest offices of government) to behave this way?
And that got me to thinking that maybe not everyone is lucky enough to have a mom who encourages them to be better people. Maybe not everyone has a mom to scold them when they are not living up to the high standards set for them. Maybe not everyone has a mom who sets standards at all. So, this is some of my motherly advice, along with some advice passed down to me from my own mother, for those who might need it right now:
1. Treat others as you want to be treated. Whatever you are putting out into the world, you will get back in spades, so setting the bar high and acting decent can go a long way. If you want to be listened to, you first must learn how to listen to others, including those who disagree with you. If you want to experience kindness and understanding, then you must demonstrate those traits in your own life as well. I think the way my mother used to put it was, “you collect more flies with honey.” In other words, choose to be sweet instead of sour.
2. Don’t be a bully. Hurting other people, either with words or with physical violence, has a zero tolerance policy in my household. I am deviating a bit from my own mother’s advice here, which back in the 1980’s was “sticks and stones can break your bones but words can never hurt you.” I’ve learned the hard way that this outdated saying is simply untrue; words can hurt a great deal. Instead, I am encouraging my children to think before they speak, as harmful words can have just as profound an effect on other people as physical violence. I’ve also learned firsthand that bullies are often struggling with deep-seated emotional issues and hurting others is their way of acting out. And this does not just apply to children. I was once bullied by a boss when I was in my 30’s. ALL people have demons, the difference is that some of us are lucky enough to have a safe space to learn how to deal with them instead of letting them bring us down.
3. No one is ever allowed to touch, or be touched, without permission. You are in total ownership of your own body. Some might argue that it’s actually really the only thing we ever own in our lives. My daughter will grow up knowing that no one is ever allowed to touch her body without her consent. And if I end up having a son, I will be sure to teach him that he is never allowed to touch a woman without her permission. Other people’s bodies are not possessions, and there is no exception to that rule.
4. Apologizing or admitting you were wrong is a sign of strength, not weakness. Some of the best leaders have gotten where they are today because they are able to identify their own weaknesses and admit what they do not know. They are also smart enough to surround themselves with people who have answers to their questions. I had trouble in math class growing up, but I was smart enough to know that I couldn’t just say I was good at math and keep going. I asked my mom to get me a tutor. And the result? A’s and B’s on exams. There will always be things in life that you don’t know or that you get wrong, and having the strength of character and humility to admit it or apologize is a huge asset.
5. Education is important. I cannot express this point enough: education is important! Never take education for granted. I’m not just talking about school or getting a college degree, I’m talking about being curious. Go out into the world and ask questions about things you don’t know or don’t understand (see #4). Educate yourself through people, books, documentaries, newspapers, world travel and history. The more life you live and the more you experience the world, the more you might expand your horizons and begin to see that we are actually all more the same than we are different.
Regardless of your political affiliations, religious beliefs or socioeconomic status, I hope that you will take this advice to heart. Take it out into the world with you and try to be more kind, compassionate and thoughtful each and every day. Try to be someone your mom—or any mom—would be proud of.