It's 2018 and one of my aims this year is to embrace 'GRATITUDE' - what about you?

It's 2018 and one of my aims this year is to embrace 'GRATITUDE' - what about you?
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Dave in the middle with myself (left) and Lisa (right) with the fourth of our number, Helena, taking the picture.

Dave in the middle with myself (left) and Lisa (right) with the fourth of our number, Helena, taking the picture.

Photograph taken by Helena Softley

It’s New Year’s Day and the Christmas tree lights are twinkling in the few moments before the family wakes up and we have our first breakfast of 2018. Shortly the Christmas tree will come down, the decorations will be put away and the new year will begin in earnest. Tomorrow, it’s back to work and it’s school later in the week for our children.

In these quiet moments, I’m reflecting on the last 12 months and I’ve decided this year I’m going to do my best to be more thankful, more glass half full and more positive in both my life and my little media consultancy business. Why? because of Dave and all of those close friends and family who have not had the privilege of seeing in 2018.

There Dave is in the picture with me, my good friend Lisa and our other good friend Helena taking the picture. You can’t see her but she’s there - large as life. Dave left us at the end of November after living life to the full for the last few years in spite of having a brain tumour. In fact living life to the full was a theme for him.

When your year ends losing someone who has been an important part of your life, it does make you reflect. Yet I’ve rarely met anyone as positive as Dave. I’d known him throughout my life at secondary school (Writhlington School, Writhlington, Radstock, Somerset, UK) between the ages of 11 and 18 - so growing up in the 1980s. Our friendship really took off in the sixth form as we studied for our A levels.

I’m never quite sure why the four of us came together - myself, Helena, Lisa & Dave. It just happened. We didn’t all study the same subjects, we didn’t live in the same town or village, we didn’t have the same interests and we didn’t meet up constantly outside of the school. But somehow for some reason we came together and stuck together - and that never changed. Sometimes you don’t need to know why a friendship starts, you just have to embrace it. To have friendships with three other people and still be friends in your 50s, that’s truly magical.

Having since seen one of our children go into sixth form and struggle with all that it brings - much harder work, social challenge around friendship groups, changes in your personal life, the mental reality of facing the future on the brink of adulthood - I now realise how lucky the four of us were to have each other back in the 1980s. We were very privileged for that spontaneous support group which kept us going. Dave saw Lisa, Helena & I through many good times but some bad times - health issues, boyfriend issues, family issues, study struggles. He used to hug us and called us ‘his girls’. He always called us ‘his girls’.

Our friendship continued into adult life even though our lives took such different paths. Dave met and married the wonderful Rosie and they were so well matched - a lovely couple in so many ways. He was an accomplished acoustics engineer, even helping with the design and build of London’s The Shard - something I didn’t know until I saw his list of life achievements at his wake. There was so much I didn’t know about Dave, but I knew the important stuff.

I knew that even as a boy he valued the relationships in life that matter above all else. Even then he wanted to get married, get a job with the BBC and enjoy great friendships. He did those things - though he did leave the Beeb for an even better job. Music was very important in his life and Helena is a singer so it won’t surprise you to know she sang at his funeral, a song chosen by Dave and the two of them together agreed on its arrangement. Rosie, music, a good job. All things I knew about Dave from an early age except back then his future partner didn’t have a name, we just all knew instinctively she would come along.

Dave’s relationship with Rosie was his greatest achievement, to have a strong and happy marriage with a soulmate - this was at the top of his bucket list. His relationship with his brother Phil, his wife and their two children was also so important to him. Seeing his niece and nephew was a jaw-dropping moment, as they have Dave’s look, his bearing, his friendliness - and it was amazing to see them and know Dave goes on through them. He also goes on through all who knew him in tiny little ways including us.

Gratitude is therefore my tribute to him and to other family members who left our lives over the last 12 months. So here’s my little ‘Dave’ list - five things I’m grateful for in 2017:

1. I’m grateful my husband Steve and I have had a lovely year with our beautiful children and we’ve risen to the challenge of helping them celebrate the good and deal with the less than good. More of the same please.

2. I’m grateful my wider family, my mum, my sister and her children are safe and are achieving and that my wonderful sister has made some great strides in her profession as a teacher and in securing her new home - moving in date coming up.

3. I’m grateful my little media consultancy business has enjoyed another healthy year, in an office too and I’ve focussed on clients who get PR, want to get PR and enjoy the journey. I’ve done more commissioned journalism work, gathered around me some strong trusted partners and continued as an ad hoc director with the BBC and others. More of the same please.

4. I’m grateful for all the good times we had - a wonderful family holiday at DisneyWorld Florida - a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity which we’ve been lucky enough to do twice in the last decade. For all the trips away in our touring caravan to see places we wouldn’t have seen otherwise such as Cromer, Rochelle in France, Salisbury and much more. More of the same please.

5. I’m grateful we live in a town which is so vibrant, full of opportunity and challenging as a community - Swindon - and that it’s part of the county of Wiltshire which is so beautiful. I’m now officially an ambassador for the town along with many others - more of the same please.

I look forward to 2018 gratefully:

1. My husband and I supporting our children through A levels, GCSEs and SATs and then university hopes and dreams on the horizon. Also one of our children moving into her first home and more little rambles with my hubby in our ‘moments’ just for each other.

2. More places to explore in our caravan which will include Wiltshire, Dorset, Hertfordshire and Italy. Yippee!

3. Working smarter in my business launching an online PR courses, offering more PR strategy sessions for those who want to DIY, doing more speaking gigs and working with clients who really deserve and understand PR or who are willing to learn about journalists and the value of a good story.

4. Enjoying the friendship and company of those business buddies who keep me strong and hold me up and are the shoulders you need when things are difficult. Also knowing that often these little things are just that - ‘little’. Don’t sweat the small stuff.

Here’s a clue - Lis & I are celebrating ten years in business in 2018.

Here’s a clue - Lis & I are celebrating ten years in business in 2018.

Photograph taken by Lis McDermott

5. Looking forward to having a party in May or June to celebrate ten years of running my own business - a milestone I could never have imagined in my wildest predictions. In the UK out of 100 start-up businesses which begin in any one year, only four will make it to year ten. I’m no millionaire, I’m not in a scale-up situation and I’m not setting the world on fire - but we do need to celebrate success and I’m intending to do so alongside a great friend who will hit the same milestone. Watch this space!

So as 2018 unfolds in these first days - what are you grateful for?

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