Let her focus on herself.
The current advice and mindset surrounding divorce and supporting women while they heal is lacking. When I first separated from my ex-husband, I was given advice ranging from “clean out your bank account” to “don’t worry, you’ll find another guy soon”. And I don’t know how many times I’ve heard people tell women to sleep around in order to help them feel better and as a way to get back at their ex. This kind of advice just needs to stop. The best thing we can do for a woman who is going through separation and divorce is to encourage her to fall in love with herself again.
The current advice given to women who are going through divorce falls under 2 categories:
- Advice about the legal process
- Encouragement to get into a new relationship
This advice in itself isn’t bad. Women need to know the legal process and what to expect when they go to court. And when a woman is ready she needs advice and encouragement to get back out in the (somewhat scary) dating world again. However, none of this advice and support will help her rediscover who she is and learn to love herself again.
Why is it so important for women to be encouraged to love themselves during separation and divorce?
She needs to rediscover who she is as a single person
I call this “Resetting Your Singlehood”. Being in a long-term relationship can sometimes, for better or worse, strip a woman of who she is. Women especially lose themselves in marriage while they take on the role of “wife”, “mother”, and “caretaker”. A woman who’s been torn from her marriage needs time to rediscover who she is now that she’s single.
Practicing self-love helps her get through divorce in one piece
Divorce is brutal. She is dealing with the emotional turmoil of the loss of her marriage, the stress of divorce proceedings, and the worry of how divorce will affect her children. She will deal with all of this while getting through the normal minutia of her day. Taking time for herself to relax, regroup, and just treat herself to something nice will help her not only survive this onslaught of stress and pain but will also help her thrive and grow in spite of it.
She needs to love herself so she knows what she deserves
Practicing self-love and rediscovering who she is will help prepare her to attract a quality relationship when, and if, she is ready. When she loves herself unconditionally she won’t settle for less from anyone else. Like attracts like, so her confidence and self-worth will attract equal confidence and self-worth in a partner.
Quite simply, women deserve to put themselves first and love themselves through the divorce process. Our self-worth is constantly challenged even without divorce to damage our confidence. The “perfect bar” is constantly raised higher. Women are constantly expected to attain higher and higher levels of beauty and accomplishment which shatters our love for ourselves. And women going through divorce are expected to just heal quickly and move on to the next guy. Women deserve better than that. We deserve love and we deserve it from ourselves most of all.
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