Asking for help when it comes to alcohol addiction or abuse is never shameful or ‘shutting the stable door after the horse has bolted,’ so to speak. It really is never too late to ask for help and people are far more likely to admire and respect you for taking the initiative to do so.
“I feel like no one takes me seriously.”
This is one of the problems with the official traditional help available to people struggling with alcohol problems - usually the services are catered for 100% alcohol-dependent individuals.
While this is fantastic that there’s such great support for this, alcohol addiction and abuse is on such a wide spectrum. At one end there’s the alcohol-dependent individuals drinking four bottle of wine a day and at the other there could be the single mum that only drinks once a month, but when she does, she can’t stop.
It doesn’t matter how long you’ve had problems with alcohol and the extent - what matters is you do deserve the help and you should never be made to feel like a burden.
Lucy Rocca, founder of online support network and all-round amazing resource site Soberistas, encountered this problem, “I wasn’t a full blown alcohol addict and so for someone like me, who hadn’t gone a really long way down the addiction path, I didn’t find anything that fitted my drinking and personal issues.”
“I told my doctor and she put me in touch with a local alcohol support service, but all the other people who went there had lost everything because of drinking – they were on a litre of vodka a day. I was not in their league so couldn’t relate to what they were saying. I found the most help in Jason Vale’s book, How To Kick The Drink…Easily! That book made me reframe alcohol completely so I realised I wasn’t giving anything up at all by stopping drinking. Conversely, it made me realise I was actually doing myself a huge favour.”
So, what’s the right kind of help for you?
People often feel there isn’t enough help and support available to them. Not everyone relates to AA - some respond better to other methods such as holistic therapies.
Lucy came up with Soberistas because she found traditional methods just did not work for her, “I knew there must be other people like me who didn’t relate to AA and/or other traditional sources of help. I was a single mother at the time too so it occurred to me that online support was a much needed resource for others who couldn’t access face-to-face help. And I really believed in the positivity surrounding living an alcohol-free life. I didn’t (and still don’t!) buy into the idea that you have to grit your teeth and live one day at a time, wishing you could drink but using willpower to avoid the stuff. And so I set up a website that reflected all of this.”
“There’s no point - I’m too far away to attend support groups.”
One of the biggest obstacles in your search for the right help might be location and accessibility. If, for example, you live in a rural or semi-rural location you may not have a go-to real-life support network or meeting near you. If the nearest clinic, GP, charity or meeting is a fair drive away then it’s so much easier to say “Screw it, I can’t be bothered today.” And that’s when you may turn back to drink because nothing is stopping you.
This is where online support comes in.
If you ever feel tempted to have a drink then it can be life-saving to hop onto your very own private online support forum. Soberistas, for example, has an incredible live chat function where you can talk with people all over the world. Some may be on day 1 and others may have been sober for years - either way, you’re getting a fully-rounded support network of likeminded friends!
For example, if you’ve stayed sober for 2 weeks and you’re craving a drink, then you can hop onto the live chat function and distract yourself. I’m not saying this is a tried and tested solution to stopping cravings - but it can contribute enormously.
There’s a huge bonus to this too. You might chat to someone who has just started their journey and this in itself might be motivator to not give into temptation. The chances are, you’ll want to set an example for newer members of the group and, who knows, you could become an inspirational mentor to them - and, in my opinion, there’s no greater feeling!
Your worst times could be your most blessed times
Do you feel like it’s too late to get help because you’ve already blacked out several times because of alcohol? Or maybe you feel like it’s too late because you’ve already been hospitalised and you think there’s no point in finding help when the damage is done.
I’m pleased to say this isn’t true. Your worst experiences with drink could be a blessing in disguise. Use them to learn from yourself, use them as a motivator - take advantage of them.
Lucy did just that, “The fear of what alcohol had done to me (i.e. putting me in hospital) was enough to make me quit right there and then. But I look back on that time now and see it as an absolute blessing. I totally needed the shock to know I could no longer go near booze, it seemed like a new dawn in many ways.”
Create-your-own therapy and support combination
As I mentioned above, alcohol addiction and abuse is a spectrum and we all know spectrums are made up of individuals.
This is your experience, this is your life. It’s time to create a bespoke combination of therapies that suit your personality, your sentiments, your motivations and even your learning style (after all, the journey to sobriety is a wonderful educational experience!).
Lucy combined psychological therapy with books, interesting pastimes, personal coping mechanisms and, of course, Soberistas!
“I did get help with the psychological side of things in the months that followed though; adjusting to life without alcohol numbing everything was really difficult at times. But I focused on retraining my brain, and used mindfulness, running and writing to deal with cravings, stress and low mood. I also read tonnes of self-help books and avoided pubs and bars like the plague for quite some time! I suppose the lack of help that seemed relevant to me was the main motivation in me creating Soberistas.”
“What if I relapse? Is it too late then?”
No, not at all. It really is never too late to seek help. The key thing is to pinpoint when, where and how you give in to alcohol addiction.
Are you completely sober at home but struggle to keep it together at functions and events where there may be alcohol? A sober companion could be your answer. At The Sober Advantage I’ve helped hundreds of people steer clear from alcohol just by being there.
For example, I might attend an industry awards ceremony with the individual and help them overcome their triggers and stay on the sober path. I adopt a holistic approach and I make it my duty to understand a person’s triggers, motivations and personal values.
Lucy offers some excellent words of wisdom, “Don’t beat yourself up. Keep on trying. Every time you slip up, you’re moving closer to the day when you’ll be able to stop for good. But I would say to people that life changes when you stop drinking – don’t try and keep everything the same just minus the booze. You need to embrace the changes, cherish the personal journey you’re embarking upon. And believe in a better future without alcohol featuring in it. It’s a myth that we need alcohol to have fun – everything is better without drinking!”
If you or a loved one is struggling with alcohol addiction or abuse please visit The Sober Advantage on how sober coaching and companionship can help.
Sign up to Soberistas today and join thousands of others in their journey to achieve a new and happy sober lifestyle.
Bunmi is a dedicated sober coach at The Sober Advantage. She helps professionals and entrepreneurs struggling or starting off their new sober lifestyle through coaching and companionship supported by energy therapies to maximize results. For a free no obligation consultation contact bunmi@the soberadvantage.com