It's the Little Things

Young couple having relationship difficulties, shallow depth of field focus on foreground
Young couple having relationship difficulties, shallow depth of field focus on foreground

It is the little things in our relationship that drive us crazy.

Who left the lid off the toothpaste?

Who squeezes the toothpaste from the middle when the right way to do it is from the bottom?

Why is it always me that changes the toilet roll? And for the love of all that is holy if you do change it make sure that the paper is not hanging down the back by the wall!

Am I the only one that sees the garbage can overflowing?

Oh my God! The toilet seat was left up... again!

Does nobody notice when I have spent hours cleaning the house? No, no they don't.

But it is also the little things in our relationship that make it great.

The random text in the middle of the day just to say "hi."

The hug from behind while you are cooking dinner.

Checking the oil in the car before you head off on a trip and keeping the tire pressure just right.

Cooking his favorite meal when you know he's had a rough day or taking her out for dinner for the same reason.

A foot rub while you are watching television.

When our relationship is going well we stop focusing on the irritating little things and instead we notice more of the good stuff. If we are smart, we make sure to acknowledge all the good stuff which is a surefire way to keep it happening.

When our relationship is going through a rough patch, we tend to focus on all the petty irritations which makes them get bigger and bigger and adds to the general sense of frustration. The best thing to do when you catch yourself getting irritated with the way he (or she) does anything is to remind yourself of the great things they do for you when you least expect it.

No relationship is effortless, they all require care and attention just like growing a plant. When you neglect it, it will shrivel up and die but with careful care and attention it will flourish into the most beautiful flower you could ever imagine.

We seem to have this crazy idea that great relationships just happen. All the fairytales end with "...and they lived happily ever after." So we seem to have the notion that working at it isn't sexy, or romantic or cool. We get the "if he really loved me he would know what I want" thing stuck in our heads and so we keep quiet and expect the other person to be a mindreader and know just what we need/want.

All relationships need work. All relationships flourish when we have the deep, meaningful conversations. Holding back our inner most workings will not make anyone happy, least of all you.

If you want to let all the petty irritations go then switch what you are focusing on. Actively seek out things that your partner is doing for you, you will be surprised what you find. Then take the time to actually thank them for that random act of kindness because that is what it is. Creating a loving world starts in small, incremental ways and it starts at home with being more loving with those that love you.

What little thing does your partner do for you that makes you heart melt every time? Start collecting those like the nuggets of gold they are.