There is no such thing as Atticus Finch.
That is the hard truth that I took away from the Tuesday sunrise I spent with Harper Lee's highly anticipated second novel, Go Set a Watchman. For fifty-five years, Atticus Finch has been the model father, the model lawyer, the model Southerner and for me, the stencil of that unattainable man who exists only in fantasy. And while that unattainable man is all well and good in stories like Little House on the Prairie, Romeo and Juliet and even Bambi, there is something too raw, real and racey about To Kill a Mockingbird for Atticus Finch to exist as just another Prince Charming.
Though I didn't realize that until I read Go Set a Watchman. And in the early pages, I found myself frustrated with the perfection that still defines Atticus Finch. Harper Lee, I called out, don't you know that his guy does not exist in real life? That integrity, humor and patience are not the only three words to describe anyone, except for maybe, God?
It did not take long for Harper Lee to answer me, and the experience of being in dialogue with the author of such a work was even more magical than the girlhood belief that somewhere out there is my very own Atticus Finch.
You know you're an adult when you come up against the humanity of your Earthly icons. You realize Jackie Kennedy smoked cigarettes, that Emily Dickinson probably shouldn't have stayed inside all those years, that tal vez Che Guevarra, killing is not the only way to revolution. But does coming up against humanity really take away the value of these icons in your life? Not really, I don't think so. It just does what humanity is supposed to do: it makes us human.
Harper Lee's portrayal of Atticus Finch's humanity is perfectly timed and well executed but what I found most extraordinary about Go Set a Watchman is the invitation to witness a girl called Scout become a woman named Jean Louise. It is not often that we can pin point the moment in which we transition from child to adult, or even from young adult to adult but Harper Lee spells this moment out for us in fine detail through our childhood friend, Scout. Lee invites us to join the raw transformation of Scout becoming Jean Louise in one of the surest ways to become an adult: going home.
For Jean Louise and for all of us, home is where the story begins. Home is where we first grew, where we first played, where we first latched onto the values that may or may not serve us anymore. But the only way to know how the story ends is to return home and face those familiar faces and places that have been there since the beginning.
All of our homes have changed since To Kill a Mockingbird. Houses have been torn down and rebuilt, babies have been born and grandparents have died. We have moved to New York, made our own money in New York, fallen in love in New York and, as Scout points out, have learned that New York is the place where you become your own person. That, Dr. Finch says, is why the truth is bearable now.
And what is that truth?
That becoming an adult means recognizing the humanity in those you love most, and in that recognition, realizing that their reality does not have to be your reality anymore. And if you can stand still in that recognition, you might find that you love them, despite their realities, despite their mistakes, despite their pasts that trigger you most.
I am grateful to Harper Lee for finally publishing Go Set a Watchman because I needed Atticus Finch to fall from his pedestal. It's all well and good to love the Pas the Romeos and the Bambi's dads of the literary world but when it comes down to it, it's more fun to fall in love with someone human.