Dear Marco Rubio,
Hello from the other side.
Looks like things are going pretty well for you. On behalf of my Kennedy-Democrat Washington tribe, I would like to tell you that we were quite impressed by your performance in the Republican debate Wednesday night. Particularly the moment you managed to elicit, dare I say, a silent understanding, from the cohort of truancy officers curious about your vote record and Senate attendance. You were right though -- Bush didn't give McCain a hard time about his record -- the reason he took a shot at you was because both of you are running for president of the United States. And Mr. Rubio, Dear Sir, I am very, very nervous about this. Nervous, not for Bush, but for you.
Don't get me wrong -- I don't judge you based on looks. I wouldn't be able to tell the difference between you and the guy who plays Prince Charming at Disney World. I judge you based on your stance on Cuba. You are adamant that you would completely reverse everything President Obama and Pope Francis (a real fan favorite) have done for our two nations in terms of opening up the lines of communication, moving towards a normalizing of trade and commerce, an undoing of the Cold War relic stance that you Dear Sir, by brand should stand to wash away. After all, are you not the candidate of the future, leading us into the new American century?
I'm so confused.
But then again, I get it. Cuba is your dysfunctional parent. The one who continues to engage in totally self-destructive behavior, like imprisoning graffiti artists for making fun of the Fidels. I think I speak for all Americans when I ask: where would this country be without Jon Stewart and Stephen Colbert? And Fidel only knows how long those two would be in prison if they'd been practicing what they preach as Cubans and so yes, Senator Rubio: I get it. Cuba is your totally self-sabotaging parent, and you'd like nothing more than to dis-engage and say, get your life together, and then we'll talk, right?
But it's not that easy.
Cuba needs United States engagement in order to get better, Senator Rubio. I know this because I've been in therapy almost as long as I've been emotionally preparing for you to run for President, but also because the embargo hasn't worked. It hasn't worked Senator Rubio- you know it, I know it, Kennedy and Che know it rolling in their graves so let's just call a failure a failure and get back to something we can agree on which is that something needs to change.
But the good news is that Cubans in Cuba are totally on board with what you want! Free and fair elections. They're there. Freedom of the press. Yup, están en la cola para that too. The right to organize political parties? Claro que sí. Release of political prisoners? Por supuesto.
So what's the problem, Senator Rubio, good Señor? Why the Cuba shut out? I need you to be more specific with us, and when I say us, I mean the U.S.-- land of the free, home of the brave.
If you're not too busy with your Senate responsibilities, I'd love for you to get back to me, at firstname.lastname@example.org.
If not well, at least I can say that I've tried.