Spiritual life coach Iyanla Vanzant has been working with Jay Williams, a 44-year-old video producer in Atlanta who is in a seemingly endless cycle of reckless behavior. In total, Jay says he's fathered 34 children with 17 different women.
Over the course of three dramatic episodes, Iyanla helped Jay come face-to-face with his dysfunctional pattern fueled by his own issues with abandonment. In the process, she found the women Jay slept with had just as much healing to do.
Ayanna is one of 17 women who said she has a child with Jay. Unlike the other mothers, Ayanna chose not to tell her son that Jay was his father. Though she appeared on Part 2 of "Fix My Father with 34 Children" and again on Iyanla's special follow-up episode, Ayanna says her son has "absolutely not" seen the episode and still doesn't know anything about Jay.
In the above video, Iyanla uncovers why Ayanna has been so hesitant to open up to her son.
"In my heart, and without a test, I am not sure if Jay is his father," Ayanna says.
Iyanla is taken aback. “Are you saying to me that you are not sure that Jay, the father of 34, is the father of your son?” Iyanla asks.
“Yes,” Ayanna says before admitting that at the end of her relationship with Jay, she began sleeping with another man. Not only did Ayanna not protect herself, Iyanla says, she made a choice that affects her son to this day.
“You are living out of integrity,” Iyanla says. “And [you’re] being dishonest in a way that doesn't impact your life -- it impacts your son's life.”
Ayanna says she hasn't asked either man to take a paternity test and gave the other man, whom she married, the impression he was the father. "I had to make a decision," she says. "Do you tell this man that I married that there's a possibility that the man that I was with right before I met you could be his father, and shatter that?"
"Look how you shattered yourself -- that in a 28 day period you were with two men?" Iyanla says. "What was going on for you? That's where the healing is."
The bottom line, Iyanla says, is that Ayanna was wounded and needed to heal before starting a new relationship.
"A wound is when you hurt or injure yourself," Iyanla says. "Repetitive wounds of a similar nature become a break. It's like you keep pushing on the sore spot." By entering an unhealthy relationship with a wound, Iyana says women expose themselves to infection.
"And these men are the infection," she says. "Now do we blame the infection, or do we blame the crack? The crack is our responsibility."