Jeff Sessions Failed to Disclose His Years as Member of Soviet Politburo

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In a surprising revelation, Attorney General Jeff Sessions failed to mention his years as a member of the Soviet Union’s Politburo to senators during January’s confirmation hearings. “Mr. Sessions was not specifically asked if he was a member of the Politburo or about his involvement in the Soviet decision to withdraw from Afghanistan in 1989, so I don’t see the big deal here,” said White House spokesperson/graveyard whistler Geoffrey Nettlesome. “We all forget things. I forget what I had for breakfast. Cereal? Toast? Waffles? Who’s to say? They’re all going in the same place.”

When asked if this new information should lead to Sessions recusing himself from any inquiries into Russia-Trump surrogate connections, or possibly resigning as Attorney General, Nettlesome replied, “Hey, remember Trump’s address to Congress the other night? Remember how good that was? Huh? Who’s with me? U-S-A! U-S-A!”