What Those Racy Photos of Cowboys' Jerry Jones Represent

Dallas Cowboys' owner Jerry Jones called several racy images of him with two Texas strippers that recently appeared on the Internet a "misrepresentation."

Initial reports were that the photos, allegedly taken at a restaurant about five years ago, were part of an elaborate extortion plot against the long-married Texas billionaire. After repeated attempts for further explanation, Jones finally fessed up to what the grainy photos really represent.

Photo number one shows the 71-year-old Jones cupping the breast of a blonde stage-named Lindzie, who is licking her lips in evident delight.

"Ah was at a luncheon at my church in Dallas when this young lady appeared to be chokin' on sumthin'," explained Jones. "Bein' the gentleman that ah am, ah proceeded to perform the Heimlich maneuver on her. My arm musta' slipped, though. The young lady was most appreciative, especially when an olive pit was dislodged from above her ample bosom."

Photo number two shows the Cowboys' owner holding the head of a smiling brunette near his crotch.

"That photo, suh, is of my tailor," said Jones. "She does all of my personal wardrobe, and ah might add that she is quite good at her job. She was taking measurements on the inseam of my new pants and ah must have said sumthin' funny by the look on her lovely young face, bless her soul. Ain't she a peach?"