Booze-fueled blackouts, "the slap heard around Miami" and "the shirt, before the shirt"; it's all in last night's episode of Jersey Shore.
In last week's show, Ronnie and Sammi got into a big fight and Ronnie hooked up with several so-called "grenades" and "landmines" after Sammi went home. Quick vocabulary reminder: grenades are fat ugly women and landmines are thin ugly women.
Last nights episode begins with the fallout from Ronnie's night of debauchery, which, to no one's surprise, he does not remember. Sammi thinks Ronnie may have hooked up with some girls at the club (uh, duh) but Ron is able to stave off an enormous firestorm by lying to her.
For whatever reason, the on-again-off-again couple calls a truce and they reunite after Ron gets a tattoo while Sammi holds his hand. (How sweet!) They will surely fight again in the next episode.
While Ron and Sam go through their love-hate thing, Angelina is stuck with everyone in the house despising her. The rest of the women on the show are convinced Angelina talked trash about them before season two began filming. JWoww, as she has done several times before, threatens Angelina with a vicious beating.
"Sleep with one eye open," JWoww ominously proclaims. Please do, Angelina. JWoww is very tough.
Towards the end of the episode, we are introduced to the concept of "the shirt, before the shirt." This is a wife beater that's warn up until it's time to leave for the club, at which point the wife beater is replaced by a t-shirt. Why this technique is employed is never explained. I guess, if you have to ask, you'll never know.
Angelina gets extremely drunk at the club and starts grinding on another lady. Then, after the gang returns home, she criticizes Pauly D for exchanging numbers with a woman at the club who is rumored to be engaged.
Pauly D aptly points out that this is an odd admonishment coming from Angelina because, in the last season, she was dating someone she knew was very much married.
Angelina ends up slapping Pauly D. MTV hyperbolically describes the incident as "the slap heard around Miami."
And thus ends another terrific edition of 'Jersey Shore.' Episode three is slated to air next Thursday at 10 p.m on MTV.
Until then, here's a classic Snooki-ism from last night's show.
While criticizing Angelina's behavior during a confessional, Snooki says, "If you wanna be here, interact with everybody. But it's not like I want her to."
But didn't you just say you did want her to? Ah, whatever. God bless you, Snooks. Lay off the hooch.