Jesus Is King And I'm So Scared

God, there is no where for me to go. I feel powerless, weak, invisible. I believe I only matter to You. The God who made me. The God who saved me. The God who will raise me when they shoot me dead or blow me up for pushing back against the system in pursuit of Your Beloved Community. Oh God who calls me His own, I fully expect to die fighting for Christ and what's right with barrages of non-violence knowing full-well that I will be crucified in real-life. Give me the strength, wisdom and grace to utter Father forgive them for they know not what they're doing. Because God, I'm asking -- how could they not know? Lord have mercy on me. Please don't leave me alone when the day comes. Please don't leave me alone. I know that you promised You wouldn't but please don't leave me alone. There is no way that I could do it. Please, don't leave me alone. There is no one here to save me.

Christianese doesn't make space for the feelings I have. And another Christian book, YouTube worship video, or meme is not going to "get me over" this time. I woke up this morning and Trump is to be President. And, I am scared -- for myself, my wife, my daughter, people of color, the LGBTQIA+ community, immigrants, Muslim brothers and sisters, Indigenous people, refugees, the undocumented... and so many more people. And, please don't post, but "Jesus is Lord" because I believe that; I preach that. But the Jesus that I believe in makes space for this pain. This hurt. This confusion.

White-washed, evangelical, western "gospel" braided with american exceptionalism looks over my fear and makes a sermon illustration and asks me to tithe. It doesn't drive me to pray and stand with the Sioux in Standing Rock who are facing corporations one side, an indifferent government on the other and winter getting closer every day.

Blonde hair, blue-eyed Jesus has nothing but a job and "freedom fries" to give to the woman who woke up this morning contemplating whether or not to put on her hijab because she's afraid of being beaten up or set on fire. The thin-lipped Jesus in the stain-glass window is silent on the death penalty and mass incarceration and says "the world is not my home" to those caught up in the school to prison pipeline. Our American, "pro-life" Jesus has the right bumper stickers, t-shirts and listens to the right radio stations; but under the veneer of "christian" kindness is homophobic, xenophobic, capitalistic self-interest, concerned only for what makes "us", not "them" happy, comfortable and great. After all, that's in the Bible right? I mean, the Constitution. Heck, they're the same thing, right?

Millions of white Americans and those bought into this "jesus" and the american dream, just confirmed what I believe. Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life. Yet, the mainstreaming my rejection, criminalization and mass disregard for the pain of so many is overwhelming. The Jesus who overcame death, hell and the grave is the only reason I can walk to the subway today. And, I know I'm not the only one.

More hurtful though, is that what will be preached, tweeted, shared, posted and preached from now and every Sunday in most pulpits in this country will be cursory, ambivalent, and/or just miss what happened because the margins didn't and still don't matter and a Trump presidency doesn't change their life all that much. And, that is the saddest fact of them all. That those tasked with leading others to follow the Risen Jesus are not following Him at all.

So to those of you, like me who long to see the people of God from every tribe, tongue and nation worship Jesus in spirit and truth stand apart from the "greatness" offered by america. I ask you to cry out to God -- I'm talking Psalm 88 type of serious lament like what's above. A prayer that makes the pain of the Cross that's as palpable as the power of His resurrection. Because this pain and the pain that is coming are as real as the Cross of the Jesus we believe in.

Then, would you pray this prayer of confession with me.

Gracious God, in Christ Jesus, you teach us to love our neighbors but we build dividing walls of hostility. You show us how to love one another as sisters and brothers but we hide ourselves from our own human family. You ask us to seek out the stranger and welcome the guest. You want us to share your abundant gifts with the poor but we cling tightly to our possessions and our privilege. You call us to proclaim good news to all people but we waste our words and hide our light. Have mercy on us, Loving God. Forgive our sin, open our hearts, and change our lives. By your spirit, make us holy and whole -- one people, united in faith, hope and love; through Jesus Christ, Our Reconciler and Redeemer.

And would you open your hands and receive this blessing. If you need to, find another person to pray this blessing over you.

In the name of the Father, the Son and Holy Spirit, would you, brothers and sisters be blessed and sent as seekers of shalom and justice for the powerful and the powerless, the oppressed and the oppressors, the privileged and the marginalized, all people made in the image of God. You have been reconciled to God by the blood of Christ Jesus. And filled with Holy Spirit. You are therefore Christ's ambassadors called to call all to be reconciled to Him and one another by the same of the Risen Lamb that reconciled you. Be blessed between the now and the not yet to preach and practice the ways of Jesus, making sacred space for those in your care to be loved through sacred listening and spirit-led activism. Like Moses, you have been sent to Pharaoh to make Yahweh known that Egyptians and Israelites may worship in spirit and in truth, now and for always. By His grace, through the gift of faith and for His Glory, AMEN!

And after you pray, please join us in the ministry of reconciliation, the preaching of Gospel in word, deed and power, fellowship and genuine community. Because the Kingdom of God and the United States of America are NOT the same thing; and if we don't bear witness to that with our lives, they will never know another way is possible.

I don't know how to end this. So I'm just going to stop writing. Jesus is King and this pain and fear are as real as He is. And he'll be with me in my 11am meeting.