“Cancun Ted is hitting the campaign trail on a 17-state ‘Take Back America’ bus tour,” Kimmel said. “What exactly he’s taking American back from, only Ted Cruz knows.”
Cruz filmed himself at a Buc-ee’s gas station buying beer and Beaver Nuggets corn puffs in an attempt to seem relatable.
“What a video,” Kimmel said after playing the footage. “What a totally regular and not-at-all pretending-to-be-an-average-Joe dude he is. ‘Let me just stop by the Buc-ee’s for some beer and Beaver Nuggets and wash it all down with a healthy helping of stepmom porn.’”
He was referring, of course, to the 2017 incident in which Cruz’s Twitter account “liked” a hardcore porn video ― something the senator later blamed on a staffer.
But the video did make Kimmel feel something for Cruz... almost.
“If he wasn’t so horrible, I’d feel sorry for him,” Kimmel said. “You know, no one wanted to go on that bus with him, right? Everyone on his staff suddenly tested positive for COVID.”
See more in his Monday night monologue: