Who: Joel Dovev
Age: 28
Current Gig: Writer, Comedian, Creator of CrapAtMyParentsHouse.com (pre-order The Crap At My Parents' House book here), Freelance root beer enthusiast
Neighborhood: Greenpoint! (I moved two weeks ago actually)
Years In New York: 4
The hardest you've ever laughed in New York?
After a huge gang fight on the 5 train I heard one guy say to his friend, “Yo, that quiche is mad good.” This was five minutes after kicking the crap out of someone with a cane.
Who is your favorite New Yorker, living or dead?
Marty Markowitz, the borough president of Brooklyn, because he embodies everything I love about New York, passion and intensity mixed with a dash of being completely off his rocker. I mean, he’s the Chairman of the Brooklyn chapter of the Loyal League of Yiddish Sons of Erin. I have no idea what that is, but you get the point. The guy knows how to work a room.
Also, Dr. Peter Venkman deserves an honorable mention because he can look past the physical appearance of demonically possessed figures and understands that the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man is just a sailor in town for fleet week trying to get laid.
Prospect or Central Park?
Prospect due to the total absence of horse crap and tourists, which is pretty much how I judge any recreational area in general.
Least favorite neighborhood in New York?
The financial district; it feels like a ghost town filled with assholes and guys from high school waiting to shove me into a locker.
What's the greatest meal you've had in New York?
The Polish platter at Lomzynianka in Greenpoint is by far the best meal I have ever had in New York. It’s cheap, b.y.o.b., and honestly some of the best food I’ve ever had.
Favorite bookstore?
I love the Community Bookstore on Court Street in Brooklyn. It’s so disorganized that it kind of feels that the books are taking over the place. It’s a lot of fun to get lost and just explore and find weird stuff and the whole place smells like an old science textbook. The guy that owns it is a character and he’s always down for a good haggling session.
Favorite street food vendor?
I recently discovered the Big Gay Ice Cream Truck, which currently holds the top spot. But I’m also partial to any halal street meat vendor. Rice with Lamb and chicken with, as they put it, “extrawhitesauceboss.
What's your drink?
Maker’s on the rocks.
Your perfect New York date?
Statue of Liberty. Not at the Statue of Liberty, but with her. I like tall French women.
What's your favorite piece of crap at your parents house?
My step-dad has a Sports Illustrated from 1983 with Hulk Hogan on the cover. It’s just laying around.
My favorite submission was this. So evil.
Favorite place to pick someone up?
The Jet Blue terminal at JFK; it’s got free wi-fi. Also, Union Pool in Brooklyn seems to be the place for that sort of activity.
Why do you love New York?
I love New York because it’s a city of extremes. Extreme weather, extreme people, or extreme conveniences. Everything is either the best or worse, there is no middle ground. I’ve never had an “OK” day. I either have the absolute worst fucking day in my entire life or I have the most amazing day that would make David Lee Roth jealous. I also love New York because every day I seem to have a “New York Moment.” It’s just one of those instances in the day where I pause and realize how lucky I am. It can be as simple as looking at two people shake their heads judgingly at a crying baby or as complex as the hundreds of thousands of people lining Eastern Parkway for the Afro-Caribbean Day Parade.
Why do you hate New York?
Inversely, New York can be a city of extreme inconvenience. I had to go to five grocery stores last week to find a box of Raisin Bran Crunch, yet I know 5 different locations to buy live poultry.
What song do you like to listen to on the train?
It all depends on my mood, but lately I’ve been listening to movie theme songs by Kenny Loggins. The guy is prolific. This week I’ve been listening to “I’m alright” from Caddyshack and “Danger Zone” from Top Gun. I think those two songs really embody most of my subway riding experiences.
Craziest thing you've seen in New York?
I saw a woman dressed in a cape practicing some sort of sorcery on the train. She was kind of threatening people, but with black magic, so I’m not sure if that is a viable threat. Either way, she was really loud and pissing people off, in addition to invading their personal space. She intentionally kicked this one guy’s shoe and the only way I can really describe his reaction was that he had a Michael Douglas in Falling Down moment. He just went on this rant for what seemed an eternity about her taking hostage of the train and that he can’t take it anymore. When it was over, the woman in the cape changed her tone and was apologizing to everyone. She went on to say how she’s really a good person and didn’t mean to offend anyone.