John Oliver Has Tips For Successful New Year's Resolutions

You're never using that Crock-Pot.

"Last Week Tonight" is on hiatus, but host John Oliver felt it was important to reconnect with his audience at the start of the new year. In this video, he's offering a few tips on keeping true to your New Year's resolutions -- which you're probably on your way to failing as you read this.


Also on HuffPost:

  • As as fully grown human, you make your own decisions.
  • If you want to ride in the shopping cart while at the grocery store, you can do that.
  • You get to decide what a "well-balanced breakfast" looks like.
  • You're an adult and you say, "ALL the marshmallows in my cocoa."
  • You're my Lunchable now, party tray.
  • Cereal isn't just for dinner, it's also for dessert.
  • You're an adult, dammit, and you eat what you want.
  • You can even make your food do adult stuff if you want.
  • Your parents aren't buying your clothes anymore, which means you get to wear what you want.
  • ANYTHING you want. Because you're a grown up with credit cards and taxes and a big human job.
  • Because worrying if you look stupid is stupid.
  • Besides, you don't have time to worry about looking stupid, because you're a busy adult.
  • You're too busy riding a majestic freaking unicorn.
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  • You survived high school and peer pressure and now you get to look how you want.
  • Decorate your home however the hell you want.
  • Fill that home with handheld video games and handheld alcohol.
  • "I want my Fruity Pebbles in this wine glass, and I plan to drink out of it immediately following these Fruity Pebbles."
  • Sleep in a tiny tent if you want.
  • Or a pillow fort. In the MIDDLE OF THE ROOM.
  • With Netflix!
  • Because you're an ADULT, DAMMIT. Who can build an adult treehouse with lights and beer and a band.