Stewart ran down a list of MSNBC's "foot-soldiers" and their Fox News equivalents:
- Chris Matthews and Bill O'Reilly: "freakishly oversized, ruddy-faced Irish multi-millionaire still clinging to his blue collar roots — and it helps if he's quick to anger"
- Keith Olbermann and Sean Hannity: "partisan ideologue who fears for the world if it's in any way touched by the hands of his political enemies"
- Joe Scarborough and Alan Colmes: "token from the other side of the aisle, a good-hearted yet somewhat hapless fellow who exists purely to give drunks in bars a name to shout out when they're in arguments over your network's ideological purity"
- Rachel Maddow and Steve Doocy: "complex eloquent even-tempered lady"
But as Stewart pointed out, citing their recent ad depicting a dark, change-filled world, Fox News won't go down without a fight. Stewart summarized the ad as follow:
"Stay with Fox News: we will protect you from raging fire, Iranian nut jobs, angry gay lovers, and the Jew whispering to the black man."