Let's analyze the bachelor, Juan Pablo.
With four potential personality characteristics.
And for all you ladies out there, if you meet a man that has the characteristics below... beware.
For the record, I don't know Juan Pablo but since so many people are talking about him after The Bachelor series finale, it seems appropriate to deconstruct what's really going on.
First off, it doesn't take a psychiatrist or a relationship expert to figure out there's a problem. Per articles and interviews, people are calling him all sorts of names like "jerk", "selfish", "rude" and a bevy of other negative terms and phrases.
Let's start by analyzing The Bachelor series itself.
The Bachelor series is like a good Bollywood movie. It relies on voyeuristic fantasy. We want to see love and connection. We want to hear love and connection. We want sensory overload of love and connection. And there's never been any prior bachelor LESS willing to allow us to feel love and connection from the show. He wasn't willing to play. He wasn't willing to give the people what they want. He wasn't willing to play the "role" of the bachelor.
Most question what his motives were and that's a good question. Was he really looking for love or was he looking for fame or looking to just hook up or looking to fight a well established system?
Since he doesn't appear to have the greatest communication skills, we may never know. Perhaps HE doesn't even know. And that leads us to the Bachelor Diagnosis and what some may call "Juan Pablo Syndrome".
Bachelor Diagnosis: The bachelor must be open to being a part of a system (the Bachelor system) with the rules consisting of being a part of people's fantasy, being a public figure and being a representation and symbol of relationship love and connection. If you're not willing to play the game, don't be the bachelor. Because you will definitely take some heat if you don't give the people what they want. It's finding love in an artificial system.
Juan Pablo Syndrome: Without knowing him but based on basic television viewing, he may fit the mold of a man who will continually get himself into trouble based on the following characteristics.
1) Ego, Ego, Ego
A man's ego needs to be well balanced. Too little ego is a problem. Too big of an ego is a problem. In this case, the ego can cause your downfall if you choose ego and pride over love and connection. When the ego speaks for you, you come across as insensitive, arrogant and selfish.
2) Fear of Intimacy
Lots of men (and many women) have fears of intimacy but how we mask those fears is what determines how lonely you may be or how self destructive you may be. We call them defenses.
And when you defend against intimacy by being rude, dismissive and patronizing, people are going to run from you. Or leave an island.
3) Not Psychologically Minded.
Being psychologically minded is something many people take for granted. It's being able to communicate your emotions to other people. Being expressive allows people in. In life, there needs to be a connection between what you feel and what you do. And if that connection isn't there (or hasn't been learned yet), you may come across as blunt, rude, selfish or insensitive.
And you won't know how to express how you really feel.
4) Not Being Vulnerable
Vulnerability is a strength. It's a muscle women traditionally "work out" more than men do. Being vulnerable brings people closer to you. It's how people share feelings with each other. And if you're fully against showing vulnerability, people won't know how to connect with you.
Unless someone is a total sociopath, we all desire to be liked. And we learn tools (sometimes shortcuts) like charm, humor, looks and intellect to make us more attractive to others.
We also learn defenses to hide our insecurities and flaws. And sometimes those defenses get the best of us. They repel people and keep us from finding what we really want -- true connection.
I wish Juan Pablo well. Hopefully he works out whatever problems he's had on the show. But if he truly has a constellation of the above characteristics, it'll be tough to maintain a healthy relationship and not be looked at negatively.
Only time will tell.
Dr. Reef Karim
Psychiatrist, Behavioral Expert
Director: The Control Center in Beverly Hills
www.thecontrolcenter.com
reef@doctorreef.com
Author, Personality
Twitter: @DrReef
Facebook: @/DrReef