Do We Really Want A Woman President?

"I want a woman to be President. I just don't want THAT woman."

You can insert any level of leadership in that line, and you'll be accurate.

"I want a woman to be CEO. I just don't want THAT woman."

If you dig deeper, you'll find a variety of valid reasons why THAT woman should never be in a position of power.

Based upon comments in previous elections, it's possible that her calves are too big. And how in the world can a woman handle high-level leadership responsibilities with cankles? Who could possibly pay attention to her during a TedTalk® with those swollen appendages offending the eye?

While watching a political convention one year, I heard a woman say that any female running for office should take off those hideous, comfortable pumps and wear Stilettos so as to slenderize her legs.

I would love to see footage of Lyndon Johnson hobbling to the podium for a major announcement wearing his favorite pair of Jimmy Choo's.

We can take a woman facing tremendous pressure, working 80 hours a week, attempting to do her job against unbelievable odds, and make it all about her new haircut.

Just ask Marcia Clark.

According to recent comments on social media, we apparently want a woman President who will talk about her grandchildren on a regular basis.

I remember the last time one of our male Presidents stopped a press conference on security by saying, "Before we discuss nuclear arms, have you seen this latest photo of Jimmybob, my grandson? Isn't he adorable?"

"I want a woman to be President. I just don't want THAT woman. She's too bossy."

Dealing with foreign countries and terrorists and potential economic collapse might make you a little fussy, I'm not sure. And helping to lead an internationally critical mission could require some tough decisions, but I guess a female leader could at least approach the situation with some decorum.

"Mr. Terrorist -- would you please let the CIA guys in? Please? I hate to intrude, but I think in this situation I might have to. Truly, your home is lovely. If you can accommodate, I'd be more than happy to talk to the women in the house about a Yankee Candle party at some point."

Who cares if a women has a law degree or has competed and thrived in an Ivy League environment? We'd rather she has a degree from Emily Post. Anybody can pass exams in one of the most esteemed law schools in the country, but selecting the correct floral arrangements for an upcoming wedding? Priceless.

"I want a woman to be President. I just don't want THAT woman. Her husband slept around. She obviously works too much and couldn't keep him happy."

We still believe, somehow, that men only sleep around because they are not well-served by their wives in a variety of ways. So, Mrs. Jefferson, shame on you. Thomas would have never done what he did if you had been a little more seductive in that petticoat. And shame on you, Mrs. Washington, and Mrs. Cleveland, and Mrs. Harding, and Mrs. Roosevelt, and Mrs. Eisenhower, and Mrs. Kennedy, and Mrs. Johnson, continuing ad infinitum.

Maribel Morgan could have taught you so many things, because the total woman, the complete package, keeps her husband happy. For those of you who lived in a time devoid of Saran Wrap . . . you're exempted from this last statement.

In summary, it seems that we might elect a woman President if she --
  • Bakes cookies
  • Talks about grandkids
  • Has no wrinkles and a killer figure
  • Dresses in designer outfits
  • Can rock stilettos
  • Knows when to serve people around her
  • Stays quiet and humble
  • Keeps her husband happy

I don't know about you, but that list doesn't seem to describe the leader of the free world. It describes June Cleaver in her pearls fixing dinner for her family in a time that existed only on television.

Why don't we step outside of the box created by the 1950's ABC lineup and give ourselves a break? Let's raise ourselves up from the "you're only as good as your outfit" belief and stand eye-to-eye with our own amazing intellects.

Let's stop judging each other by what we wear, or what we weigh. Let's stop valuing passive attributes.

Let's remember our elementary school days, before we were convinced that sexual attractiveness was our greatest value.

We are warriors. And warriors don't get deflected by sticks and stones. Warriors work together to change the world, even with large calves and cankles.

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