Just How Final Is This Crisis?

Post-Comic-Con reality sets in. Hundreds of dollars and autographs/souvenirs later, all good fanboys and girls begrudgingly have returned to their gigs Monday morning, resuming their secret identities. But with every year and convention that passes, it gets a little harder to decompress after days of absorbing endless, awesome trailers and collecting enough swag to crash eBay. After hanging with so many celebrities, writers, artists, directors and producers, one might trade in their day job for a shabby apartment by the interstate where one might spend the next year refining that comic, movie or genre-TV idea with which to stalk the next convention. Or at least that's my plan. Coming off of hugely successful movies like The Dark Knight, Iron Man, The Hulk and yes, even Wall-E, this year's Con was da bomb, featuring trailers and/or discussions on everything from Battlestar Galactica's final episodes to the huge slate of upcoming testosteronics such as TR2N, Terminator Salvation, Watchmen, etc. More stars! More explosions!! More stars exploding!!!

Speaking of cons, it looks like the much-anticipated, greatest reality-bending reboot DC Comics ever has attempted is finally here. And we all own at least two copies of its first issue to prove it. Meet Grant Morrison's Final Crisis whose ending is rumored to be both profound and satisfying. More importantly, and if God truly exists, it's supposed to be FINAL. Me, I'm thinkin' this will be about as over as a Cher or Eagles farewell tour. Still, this particular crisis is supposed to shore-up all the "event" story arcs DC has ever attempted, including the most beloved universe-retooling of all time, Marv Wolfman/George Perez's Crisis On Infinite Earths.

Over the years (that now seem like ten but were only three), we've eagerly read the intriguing Identity Crisis, the operatic Infinite Crisis, the, um, "interesting" 52 (though it did have a cool one year later/lost year premise), the Countdown To Final Crisis, and now, without further ado, at last, we get that promised seven issue pay off which, hopefully, won't be as drawn out as when we waited for that final season of The Sopranos. Sometimes, an event series stretching out that long can be worth it, giving a person time to savor its profoundness -- like surviving between half-seasons of Battlestar Galactica. Or it can be as painful as waiting for that movie version of Arrested Development.

So, we're all psyched by that first issue, right (don't worry, no spoilers)? Sweet!! But hold on, did you really think we were only being served one course in this meal? Have we learned nothing from the scores of past event crossovers? Why, this time, we've got a veritable banquet of finalities, a smorgasbord of crisis closures. There's Final Crisis: Rogue's Revenge, Final Crisis: Legion Of Three Worlds (this better be good--I'm lookin' at you Superboy-Prime!), Final Crisis: Requiem, Final Crisis: Revelations, Final Crisis: Rage Of The Red Lanterns, Final Crisis: Superman Beyond, Final Crisis: Resist, Final Crisis: Submit...agh!! This is the longest tease since prom night.

Whatever the reworking, DC, of course, will pull it off. And even given the three plus years it's taken to get here, it's delivery won't feel as drawn out as Richard Donner's conclusion to his "Last Son" storyline or the pacing of the All-Star line. We'll even get a Krypto 2.0 though he'll have no one to play with since Chris Kent is back in the Phantom Zone, but I digress. This time, we can be sure all crises' end with Crisis On Infinite Earths paling in comparison. No, it doesn't matter what the next big universe-shaking, cataclysmic event will be, Final Crisis truly will be the final crisis.

Believe that and I've got a Batcave in Brooklyn to sell you.