For people that grew up feeling like they weren't lovable, love can be a tricky thing. We are all to eager to give, whether it's a batch of cookies, a blouse, or a blow job. We attach our hopes and expectations to potential friendship and romantic prospects that have no hope of meeting them. We make ourselves too available to people that don't deserve our time. We abandon ourselves and try to become more of what we think others want from us.
I see way too many women going through some of the same painful things that I myself went through looking for companionship. If you're looking for a relationship to complete you or provide validation, you're most likely going to be attracted to the wrong kind of partner and you won't be able to give. Whether you're Plus Size or have a body like Giselle, it seems like no woman is impervious to the sneaking suspicion that she is somehow not enough, and that fear can drive some really strange behavior when it comes to romance.
Preconceived notions of the kind of person you should be with
Giving parts of yourself away
Whether or not you believe it, you deserve love, just as you are. No, not you minus twenty pounds or plus two cup sizes. Not you with more money or less body hair. Not you with more accolades or fewer past failures. The very raw, unedited version of you. You in soft pants and a messy bun with no make-up, after eating a cheeseburger.
You don't have to do anything or be anything in order to deserve love. You don't have to give anything away or go chasing it. You, just as you are today, living your life, can attract love in a variety of forms. Romantic love, friendship love, familial love, career love, follower love. Just by being you.
While you can't always go through life with photographer Roberto Ligresti lighting you, or hair and make-up artist Vanessa Evelyn keeping every hair in place, you can beam worthiness from the inside out and attract the things you want into your life.
Whether or not you've got the love you're looking for in your life right now, it's headed your way. The ONLY catch is that you have to be there, ready and waiting to receive it. Not with your head in toilet because you've eaten or drunk too much. Not with you sweating your credit card balance because you've overspent in order to compensate for a feeling of emptiness in your life. Not with you obsessively plotting and scheming on how to get ahead in your career because you're convinced that your abilities alone won't get you there.
Even if you've walked away from a good thing before. Even if you have (or are) giving away parts of yourself to people who don't deserve it. Even if you've been rejected. Even if you haven't spoken to them in years. Even if you haven't blogged in six months. Even if you aren't entirely sure what any of this means, but have a faint glimmer of recognition that you want some of this in your life.
Complete and total acceptance. Unabashed praise. Uncompromising loyalty. Limitless devotion. Abundant affection. These are all attributes of a sincere, loving relationship. These things are all available to you, if you can find a way to be still amidst the chaos and focus on what you want. Take your eyes off of the fleeting pleasure of the moment, and focus on the bigger picture of what you deserve. I can speak to this because this is what I experience now, in my marriage to the love of my life.
You don't have to change yourself, or anything in your life, in order to be deserving of the love you seek. All you have to do is recognize this possibility, and then sit back and wait for the good things to start rolling in. And take it from me -- they will!