Karl Rove Must Go to Prison

Karl Rove must go to the jail, the pokey, the big house, if you will. No not country-club Republican, I-ripped-off-your-grandma-with-junk-bonds prison where he can join the Dartmouth or Princeton rowing squad and walk by a state-of-the-art outdoor weight-lifting facility his two-seats-on-Southwest ass would never even think about using.

I mean real prison. Like the kind you go to if you're caught in Kuala Lumpur with Rush's medicine bag.

Once again, I just can't abide by these Johnny-come-way-too-latelys who now realize George W. Bush is challenged by My Pet Goat and "The Google," Dick Cheney's an evil right-wing assclown and Karl Rove is, to quote a not so bright man, "a grotesquely corpulent, politically sociopathic parasite who destroys all government he touches."

He most closely resembles a locust, devouring his surroundings, only to move on to a new destination after all is destroyed (see the Texas political system).

A spate of books came out on this amoral anthropoid before he became a household name in 2000, and all you had to do was observe his past patterns to know this would happen. A candidate he was working for in 1986 who was running for Governor of Texas magically found a "listening device" in his office the day before a big debate.

Right before the first Bush/Gore debate in 2000, a tape of Bush's "performance" arrives at Gore HQ in the mail, so that's all the press was talking about while George W. Bush was mixing up pronouns and screwing up multisyllabic foreign leaders' names.

Surely, coincidence.

If you read Boy Genius for example, you will find that the way Rove beat Democrats in Texas was by politicizing the FBI (Sid Blumenthal has more on this in a new column), and using those partial to his candidates and his blow...I mean politics, to start high-profile investigations of Democratic officeholders right before elections.

So why would it be a shock that his fingerprints are all over the Justice Department politicization/obstructing investigations into serially corrupt members of the GOP, scandal, which occurred, of course, right before the 2006 election. And, of course, the buildup to Iraq, right before the 2002 cycle, was completely out of character for Rove. As was outing an undercover agent.

This man is an adult diaper worn by an astronaut for a nine-hour, homicidal road trip. Kaiser Sose on a KFC drip.

He has corrupted American Democracy at every level, and has never paid the price.

He must go to prison, for the integrity of our system, if not just because it is the most natural place for him to reside outside of Hades. For once in his pathetic self-hating life, fully investigate this piece of garbage--please.

For more on this and other stories, go to cliffschecter.com.