All our relationships are karmic but then there are some that are toxic. With a toxic karmic relationship, I’m referring to one which is full of conflict or other harsh circumstances that drives one crazy with anger and frustration. Until you are in one, it’s easy to judge one - a relationship can not be explained with a logical mind. For an outsider, it seems incredibly stupid to hang on to a relationship that appears to only cause suffering, but the karmic bond makes it very challenging to walk away.
The toxic karmic relationship often starts like a fairy tale. Let me paint a picture by sharing an imaginary example. When Jen met Ben, she felt an instant spark of recognition as if she had known him forever. She felt very connected to him - it was something that she couldn’t explain to her friends in words. She believed that they were destined to be together and dreamt of having her happily ever after with him.
Their relationship was built around physical attraction and mind-blowing sex, so Jen often canceled plans with her friends at the last minute if Ben wanted to meet. The physical pull was so strong, it was too challenging to say no to it. Her friends were getting upset but she ignored them as she felt a magnetic and unexplainable attraction. Ben was like a drug to her and she needed more and more of it.
Then some clouds appeared as Jen felt that Ben wasn’t spending enough time with her. She yearned to deepen their relationship instead of spending a night together here and there. She tried to talk about this with Ben but her emotions swept over her like a tsunami. All she could do was weep. Ben claimed that she was overly emotional. He walked away when Jen couldn’t calm herself down.
The following days were like torture for Jen as Ben didn’t respond to her calls. She kept calling and calling like a mad woman. Her imagination brought vicious visions of other women into her mind, it made her check his Facebook account. Then she went to drive by his house and ended up spying on his place for hours without luck.
After a week she finally got hold of Ben who acted as if nothing had happened - he had just gone on a business trip. She ended up apologizing, being overly emotional and they spent a steamy night together. The next morning he took a brief phone call and she felt an intense rush of jealousy. They had a heated discussion resulting in Ben walking away again. As he didn’t answer Jen’s calls, in desperation, she waited for him outside his door until he got home. When he saw Jen on his doorstep, he got upset and hurled rude insults at her. They had another huge argument but they ended up spending the night together as Jen apologized profusely for her behavior.
This became their vicious cycle until Jen said that she had enough! During that same day, Ben was behind Jen’s door and asked for another chance. When she looked at him, she had the nagging feeling to give it to him. But no matter how many tries she gave him, it just didn’t seem to work. Something was just off. The fairy tale turned out to be a nightmare and she had a hard time waking up from it.
As annoying as this relationship might sound, it will only become more intense if it’s allowed to continue into the future. Toxic karmic relationships are often like having a tug-of-war. They’re power plays, where one person will pull and the other person will pull back. No one wins in karmic power plays, it just causes us suffering. But if you drop your side of the rope, the power struggle stops. Jen has the power to stop the karmic wheel and so do you!
The reason why karma pulls us together in the first place is learning. If you don't learn, don't be concerned, you will surely get a chance to incarnate with this soul again and again and again until you do. But you can choose to start cleansing your karma now and increase your awareness of your karmic lesson!
The first step is to take full responsibility for your circumstances and choices. You probably were given red-flag warnings, which you chose to ignore. By owning your responsibility, you will kick-off the detoxing process that continues with cleansing yourself from judgments, blame, and old pent-up toxic feelings through compassionate self-forgiveness. It is the secret key to freedom!
Then it’s time to face what is and let go of what could have been. As much as we would like to change another person, we are not able to do so. When you choose to give up your desire or dream to change him or her to match your ideal partner, you are choosing to let the person be who they are. The fantasy that you created around your romantic partner is keeping you hooked. Cut the invisible cord and set yourself free with love.
Once you have worked through any emotional pain, you will be able to start seeing your relationship more clearly and objectively. When you observe the relationship from the Soul’s point of view, and our Souls are very interested in learning and evolving, you will gain something positive. It might be, for example, setting boundaries or learning to respect and love yourself. As you discover the lesson you learned, you are freeing yourself from the karmic pattern.
Life lessons count when you learn from them! Hence you are free to choose differently in the future and remember that you can also learn through joy!
Karma pulls us together for a reason...