“We’re talking trillions. You know, when the numbers are this big, they’re just pretend,” Warren soothed. “There ain’t no Scrooge McDuck vault. You ready to get red-pilled? Money doesn’t exist. It’s just a promise from a computer.”
She flipped a complicated chart showing funding schemes for the health care plan: “Look at this here. Do you understand this? I do. I could explain it to you but you’d die.”
One possible source for funds? Taxing the banks. “Duh,” the candidate explained in the sketch. “They’re going to pay for it ... all we’ve got to do is convince JPMorgan to operate like a nonprofit.”
Still, her health care plan “compares favorably” to rival Joe Biden’s — because “it exists.”
McKinnon’s Warren said that when Sen. Bernie Sanders was talking about the same plan, people said, “Oh cool, and then they turned to me and said: ‘Fix it, Mom!’”
“I’ll do it because that’s what moms do,” said McKinnon. “Daddy takes you to see ‘Boogie Nights’ when you’re 10. I provide the long, tender follow-up explanations about sex and whether Mark Wahlberg’s penis is a realistic length.”
“Mom” also had some kindly advice for President Donald Trump and his move to Florida: “Don’t stand too close to an orange tree ’cause someone might try to pick your head.”
Check it out in the clip up top.