This week in the Wonderful Media Circus of Kate Middleton: Kate's got the most enviable nose in all the land and all the non-royal, large-nosed plebeians are rushing off to the plastic surgeon to duchess-ify their noses.
Britain's biggest cosmetic surgery provider Transform reported earlier this week that Catherine's nose was the most-requested celebrity facial feature in 2012. "Good Morning America" investigated the claim, tracking down a woman who said she requested the duchess' schnoz from her Manhattan plastic surgeon.
In short, Kate has the Best Nose. But hold the phone. Come to think of it, doesn't she also have...
The Best "Natural" Beauty: St. Ives polled 1,000 British women, asking which UK celebrity was the most "naturally beautiful." Of course, Kate won.
The Best Hair: British haircare retailer Fabriah.com conducted a study of the "most iconic hair." Obviously the duchess' bouncy brunette waves came out on top.
The Best Brows: According to the Daily Mail, Kate's strong brows have sparked a trend among British women, causing them to seek eyebrow transplants or other brow-boosting remedies.
The Best Wardrobe: Many a site has declared Kate the best-dressed in all the land, including Vanity Fair in its annual International Best-Dressed List of 2012.
The Best Hats: The Headwear Association, a group that promotes "hats and headwear awareness worldwide," declared the Duchess of Cambridge "Hat Person Of The Year" in 2012. Not sure what that means, but OK.
The Best Marriage: British TV channel Watch conducted a poll to find the most perfect celebrity couples. Guess which duke and duchess came out on top?
The Best Dog: Kate and Will's puppy Lupo earned the #50 spot on Tatler's "Most Fascinating" list, because he “likes polo matches and Prince Harry, but hates corgis."
The Best "Happiness": Yep, Kate was voted Britain’s happiest celebrity. She has more happiness than all of us. Probably because of the factors stated above.
So there you have it, folks: Kate Middleton is the greatest person alive, according to a series of random polls, arbitrary lists and headlines. As if you needed any proof.
Drink in Kate's awesomeness: