Keeping America Safe By Altering Our Favorite Films

Republicans are fearful that accepting Syrian refugees into the United States will threaten our national security. Almost half of our nation's governors (almost all Republican) have vowed to block Syrian refugees from their states. The House of Representatives passed Republican-backed legislation to effectively halt Syrian refugees from gaining access to America.

To reflect the new political climate, Republicans are also behind a push to alter the endings of some of America's favorite films. Republicans believe that by changing these narratives, we will have a stronger America.

To make America safer, here are some of the Republican suggestions for alternative endings to America's favorite films:

The Wizard of Oz
In this re-telling, Auntie Em and Uncle Henry tell Dorothy that, in fact, there are other places besides home. Fearful that her involvement with the Wicked Witch will ruin their American values and taint Kansas irrevocably, Dorothy is sent back to Oz. Toto is returned, as well, because Em and Henry believe he may be a flying monkey in disguise.

The Sound of Music
Once the von Trapps make it over the Alps, they are immediately rounded up and helicoptered back to Austria in this new version. Fearful that one of the von Trapp children might be a Nazi (we've got our eyes on you, Leisl!), the entire family must go back to their homeland to sing Edelweiss, making the rest of the world feel safe again.

It's a Wonderful Life
Republicans believe the world would actually be better without George Bailey, who has been infected with an idealism that is unimaginable. Rather than returning to his life at the end of the film, this new "Wonderful Life" continues without George returning. Mr. Potter (played by Donald Trump) takes advantage of a myriad of financial opportunities and takes over Bedford Falls.

Republicans do not see a need for any changes to this film. E.T. is an alien and he is rightfully sent home.

Afraid that Chief Brody might maul and devour his family after his contact with the murderous shark, he is thrown back into the ocean by a group of concerned citizens who want to keep Amity Island safe from predators.

The Empire Strikes Back
After it is revealed that Luke's father is [spoiler alert!] Darth Vader, he is forced to wear a Death Star emblem on all of his clothes and to register with an international registry of Dark Side sympathizers. When Luke reveals that his twin sister is [spoiler alert!] Princess Leia in Return of the Jedi, she, too, must wear the emblem and add her name to the registry.

101 Dalmatians
The puppies are returned to Cruella De Vil. The family originally set to adopt them is suspicious that one of the puppies may, in fact, be a pit bull.

Close Encounters of the Third Kind
When the little boy is reunited with his mother after exiting the spaceship, American soldiers rip him out her arms and throw him back onto the alien ship. Although the mother has longed for this reunion, it is feared that the boy might be carrying bombs and other weapons of mass destruction planted by the aliens.

West Side Story
The Sharks are deported.

Sandy is sent back to Australia.

The Ten Commandments
Moses is returned to Egypt.

When his mother is killed by hunters, the other animals paint a target on Bambi and throw him in a clearing in full view of the hunters. Thumper and the others do not want to take the risk that Bambi might bring a threat to their safety in the forest.

Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
And becomes a hypocrite.

With changes like these, Republicans feel secure that our nation will be safer.