So here you are. You are out of a relationship and you are ready to date. Or so you think. Things just ended with the person you thought you would be with forever. Your forever date to your friends weddings, your partner in crime who would sit on the couch and binge shows with you and the person who would always be your Valentine's Day date is now gone. One half of the bed is empty and still warm from the other half who is no longer there. Their side of the bathroom counter is empty with just remnants of toothpaste lingering where a toothbrush once lived. That token empty hanger in the closet is perpetually swaying back and forth as a reminder that you now have an emptiness in your life. The DVR is full of shows you once hated but now suddenly want to watch. All that seems to be left is a stagnant scent from their bottled fragrance slowly fading out of the couch cushions. During the first few days you go through the process. Crying. Screaming. Confused. What did you do wrong? Is this really happening? Friends come over in droves with ice cream, sad movies, and they tell you how awful they were for you anyway. You announce an “Up In Smoke” picture burning session and as each picture burns of the two of you at a holiday party or dressed up in matching costumes for your bosses annual Halloween Fright Night, you instantly regret hosting such an event. Contact has been cut off as much as it can be with social media these days. You block, delete, and try to forget all parts of the relationship, both good and bad. Time slowly passes and you begin to feel better. What did you do with that time to make you feel you are ready to date? Did you let time pass by or did you use that time to heal?
I think for most of us we have been here before. Sad and broken. Lonely and alone. Wondering if we'll ever be loved again. We feel if we are without a life partner, we are unlovable. For some of us we try to cure our loneliness with other people. So we to move on with someone else too soon. We rebound. In doing so, we not only hurt ourselves, but the person we rebounded with. I have heard the way to get over someone is to get under someone else. I have also heard this does not work. What does work? What cures us of our broken hearts and fears of being alone? Unlovable? I have a theory. But my theory comes from my own experiences which will be unraveled throughout this series. I have learned many lessons in dating and relationships. Although I have had only two relationships in my life, I have dated and I have taken lessons away from each person I have spent time with. Some dates lasted eight hours while others only eight minutes. I have dated too soon after a breakup and I have tried to force what was not meant to be because I felt I needed to be with someone. Anyone.
For those of you who know me, or follow me, or like to read my articles, you know I was in an unhealthy toxic relationship for years. If you know that, you probably already know I have written a book about my journey of how I got into, why I stayed in, and how I got out of that relationship, and found happiness. (Signs In The Rearview Mirror, Due out 2018) This new series is also a journey of finding not only love with someone else, but more importantly how I discovered self love, boundaries, and deal breakers not only in romantic relationships, but also in everyday relationships. I have learned to not settle and how to be secure enough in myself to never settle again and how to be happy on my own. I am going to take you along the road of the past three years and show you what it was like for me to date after a toxic relationship. The good and the bad. The funny and the sad. Along this journey your heart will break along with mine. You will see red flags probably before I do and you will learn some new things as well. I hope to open your heart, and your eyes and maybe plant a seed or two. Learn from me, from my mistakes. We all make mistakes, but not everyone is willing to admit, write, and then publish them for the entire world to read. I am one of the crazy few.
Prepare yourself for more hard truths, raw honesty, and the openness much like you found in my previous weekly series turned book (Signs In The Rearview Mirror due out 2018). I am eager to write again. I am excited and terrified to open up about this part of my life.
This is my journey between no longer and not yet….
*Names and places have been changed*
Dating is a Battlefield
Episode One: The first date of many...
Walking toward the door I was excited. The writer and the romantic living inside me was convinced on the other side of my front door was the man of my dreams. The man I will marry. I wanted to take it all in moments before opening that door. I wanted to swim in the last minutes before my life would be forever changed. Everything I already knew about him was in the front of my mind and he was perfect. A country man, single dad with rugged good looks, a thick accent and I already knew his manners would be that of a true gentleman. A yankee from up north coming together with a good ole southern boy was something straight out of a movie and exactly what I deserved. I was instantly transported to the set of Sweet Home Alabama. My hand reached for the doorknob and I inhaled hardly able to breathe. As I calmly opened the door to my future, what was waiting for me on the other side certainly was not Josh Lucas or even Patrick Dempsey. Who he was was someone I didn't expect him to be and I learned a lot of lessons on this first date of Dating is a Battlefield.
Tune in next week to see how my date with “ Country Boy” turned out!!!