One Direction was supposed to usher us through the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday by serving as the evening's hosts. The boy band presented the first award of the ceremony minutes after taking the stage, handing out Best Pop Video to Selena Gomez. After that, we never saw the fivesome again, except via sporadic crowd shots and during their acceptance of the Song of the Summer honor.
Instead, Kevin Hart, who hosted the 2012 awards, took the stage twice. The comedian repeatedly claimed he was not the VMAs' host, yet he was the only person to shepherd the awards along in any form.
Hart offered his signature humor in response to the ceremony's zaniness. "Miley better get a d--k pregnancy test after all that grinding," he joked after the singer performed "We Can't Stop."
He also warned Taylor Swift and Selena Gomez to "stay the hell away from" Robin Thicke. "Unless y'all want to end up on a d--k Amber Alert or something, y'all keep your a--es still."
Live updates from the show are available below.