During and after your divorce, if you've ever asked yourself the question, "How screwed up are my kids going to be?" you are not alone!
Many divorcing parents wonder what psychological damage is occurring to their babies because they're being raised by divorced parents.
As I discovered doing research for this post, it seems that kids of single and co-parents are not only doing just fine, they grow up to be pretty awesome. HuffPost LIVE even did a segment on how kids of single parents seem to be better equipped for life and success as adults. You can view it here.
I'm sure a loud argument can successfully be made that having two loving, supportive, encouraging still-married parents would mean a child grows up to be a healthy, successful and contributing member of society. But if that's not your situation (and who's situation is it, with such a high divorce rate?), you have no need to fret or lose sleep over how your kid is going to turn out.
Your energies are better spent giving your children exactly what they want -- lots of time with you, and what they need -- love and support from you.
You have two choices: you can spend your time worrying about what might happen, or you can get busy doing what would make the biggest and best positive impact:
Give them your time and attention.
Create a space to talk to you and confide in you.
Tell them you love them, no matter what.
Get them any additional help they need, such as individual therapy or family counseling.
Allow them to love and spend time with each of their parents, without a negative word from you.
It may not seem like they hear what you say, but they hear you. It may not seem like they are going to eventually be okay, but with your love and support, they will be.
If you're going this road alone after divorce, as I did, remember this: as long as your kids have at least one awesome parent who loves and supports them, they will be just fine.
Honorée Corder is the author of The Successful Single Mom book series, and the upcoming If Divorce is a Game, These are the Rules.