17 Types Of Toys I Want To Spring Clean Out Of My Home

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Am I the only parent out there who dreams of spring cleaning the messy, loud and annoying kid toys right out of my home? (And, yes, that includes most of them.) Sure, I'd probably regret it a few hours later, because my kids would have little left with which to play. But, oh, how clean my house would look for a little while! Did I say clean? I mean empty! Like a home without occupants. Here's where I would begin:

  1. Toys that claim "cleanup's a breeze." Newsflash: only a messy toy references "cleanup" at all.

  • Any game with ecstatic-looking children shown on the box. Why are these kids so happy? Did the photographer offer each of them a pony? This picture sets the bar too high. My own family's real-life fun is never going to live up to it.
  • Toys requiring "adult supervision." I assume some toys require adult supervision in case someone needs a ride to the emergency room.
  • Games where the setup time is longer than the playing time. Because life's too short.
  • Anything without an "off" switch. If a toy can only go into sleep mode, then it's dead to me.
  • Whistles. Whistles are great if you need to alert the world that you're in imminent danger. But they make awful toys.
  • Bath goo. Sprinkle some powder into the bath and turn water into sludge. This is the perfect product for parents who don't think bath time is long enough.
  • Giant buckets of beads. Over time, fewer and fewer beads make it back into that bucket. Until one day, you're left with a giant bucket of nothing and beads all over your home.
  • Dogs that yap. Trucks with sirens. And dolls that emit fake cries. If any of them could talk they'd say, "Ha, ha! Made you look!"
  • Spy kits. Kids don't spy on kids. Kids spy on parents.
  • Toys that come with instructional booklets. Or, worse yet, instructional DVDs.
  • Toys with tiny pieces and sharp corners. Because it's really hard not to swear when you step on something really hard.
  • Scary dolls. If a doll looks like it could star in a horror movie (or like it did), I want it gone.
  • Sand. Sculpt it. Squish it. Mold it. And leave little bits of it all over the kitchen floor.
  • Voice changers. "To operate, simply pull the trigger and talk into the megaphone with your mouth near the microphone. The flashing LED lights confirm it is functioning." They call it the Voice Changer. I call it the Headache Maker.
  • Toys with "ooze" in their names. Because ooze they do.
  • Glitter. Glitter is like a bad party guest who doesn't know when it's time to leave. So I need to just take matters into my own hands and throw it out.
  • OK, that felt good. What about you? It's your turn -- what toys drive you nuts? Which would you spring clean away, even if only in your dreams? Let me know what's missing in the comments!

    Whether your little ones' toys ooze, spray, gush, glitter or just plain ol' stain, Clorox Cleaning Products can come to the rescue.