Kimmel Explains The General Petraeus Scandal (VIDEO)

'Never Email, Never Have Sex... And Just To Be Safe, Lose The Penis'

As the sex scandal involving General David Petraeus grows even more complicated, we find ourselves stuck between simultaneously wanting to wrap our heads around it and have it lasered from our minds like a bad tattoo. Honestly, how many of us have ever wanted to see "Petraeus" and "sex" in the same sentence? Alas, this is the world we live in now, so we must do our best to fully understand it, especially since there are so many wonderful conspiracy theories to conjure up about it.

Fortunately, this is where Jimmy Kimmel steps in with a thorough explanation of the Petraeus affair. (And yes, The Petraeus Affair is our new favorite indie band name.) Until now, no one had even mentioned Fox Mulder.

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David And Holly Petraeus

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